


That's One Way to Look at It

by boringusername2015, MyCrimsonDahlia



Series: Nonparallel Galaxy [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ben Solo Didn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben's got it bad, I do what I want, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, Multi, POV Ben Solo, Resistance Member Ben Solo, Rewrite, it's just for fun, literally just playing with an idea i had
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 00:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13582284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boringusername2015/pseuds/boringusername2015, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyCrimsonDahlia/pseuds/MyCrimsonDahlia
Summary: In a different world, Ben wouldn't have turned to the Dark Side. He would have resisted against Snoke and instead, followed his mother and joined the Resistance. What would have happened had that been the case? Here's my boring take on it. Movies rewritten to add Ben. But some things are different. The extra-Reylo rewrite that nobody asked for.





	1. Back to Jakku

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our journey begins with a screen crawl. And from there, everything is different but the same.  
> Why does everyone want to go back to Jakku?!

Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister First Order has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi Master, has been destroyed. With the support of the Republic, General Leia Organa leads a brave Resistance. She is desperate to find her brother Luke and gain his help in restoring peace and justice to the galaxy. Leia has sent her most daring pilot on a secret mission to Jakku, where an old ally has discovered a clue to Luke's whereabouts…

* * *

“He’s taken too long.” Ben Solo said to his mother. He and General Leia Organa stared out into the vastness of space on the bridge of their Resistance ship. He was growing tired of waiting. It had been days since they’d dispatched Poe Dameron to Jakku. They’d given him all the information he needed, why was it taking so long?

“He’s a good pilot.” She rebutted. “He’ll be fine. He’s probably just talking with the locals.”

Ben rolled his eyes. Pilots always had to make friends or enemies wherever they went. Especially pilots of Dameron’s stock.

“Besides, you wouldn’t go when I asked you.”

“I still don’t see why we need it. We can defeat the First Order without Skywalker. Without the Jedi.”

“You know that’s not true, Ben. Our resources are depleting and we’re running out of options.” He looked at his mother and nodded in understanding. It had been years since she'd seen her brother. She would use every last lead, follow any trace to find him. The stars twinkled outside their craft. Somewhere out there, Master Skywalker was hiding away, either waiting for the war to end or waiting to die. The thought made Ben seethe but he did his best not to show it.

Suddenly, a shift occurred in the Force. Ben felt a loss, as though something had joined the cosmos too quickly. He looked to his mother, she’d felt it too.

“Lor,” she despaired.

Ben turned from her, shutting his eyes and blocked out his mother's aching heart. He focused his breathing and searched, searched, looking for a familiar thread. Dameron's essence was faint, he was hiding his fear. Ben held tight to what he could sense through the Force. This couldn’t be how it ended. He had to find Dameron, the map, any sign of hope. Then he saw him. He was bound at the wrists. There were others. They were familiar in a gut-wrenching way. Ben grit his teeth at their signatures but reached out to the pilot.

“ _The map, Dameron! Do they have it?_ "

The landscape was faint, he could barely see anything but the pilot. Dameron's fear flickered beneath his set jaw. A twinge of worry surged through Ben. They both knew what would happen next.

“ _The map!_ ”

_BB-8_. Was all he could find in the pilot’s rattled thoughts. He saw a memory of the round orange and white droid being trusted with the piece and fleeing in the sand.

Ben felt eyes searching for him and quickly severed the connection. He attempted to catch his breath but the connection had winded him. His mother held him steady and he said through pants, “They don’t have the map. Dameron hid it with his droid before being captured.”

“Poe.” Leia looked out at the stars again in angry desperation. She returned her attention to her son and he recovered with a few more ragged breaths.

“Who should we send to recover the droid? We need to do it now before the First Order realizes Dameron doesn’t have it.”

She seemed to be searching the stars for answers.

“Mother.” She turned to him then, resolved in her decision.

“I know you’ve been on Jakku before, Ben, with your father.”

He shook his head, knowing her next plea. “That was a disaster. They'd recognize me if I went there.”

“That may be so, but you’re the only one familiar with the area.”

“Mo-”

“I know you said no before, but we’re _so close_  now. Please, Ben. For Dameron. For _Lor_.”

He bit his tongue. He knew not to argue with her now. “The droid should have some form of tracker. I’ll go now but send me its location the minute you find him.” He looked away then, planning his operation. “I’ll need some form of disguise.”

“It was over a decade ago. Do you really think they’ll remember you?”

“It’s not worth the risk.”

Ben left her company and retreated to his bunk on the ship. He gathered his few belongings, a few rations, and plenty of water. He made his way to the hangar, doing his best to avoid conversation on the way. It was easy, he wasn't necessarily the most friendly member of the Resistance. His name alone kept people at arms length. On arriving to his ship, a small crew assured that all the appropriate supplies were aboard. He thanked them quickly and set his bag in his bunk in the back. It was a usual recovery mission, he assured himself. Everything would go as it always had. He would find the droid and be back in no time. He set about entering the coordinates into the control panel when he felt his mother board to bid him farewell.

He didn’t look, but continued to fiddle with the controls. “The planet is mostly scavengers,” he told her, “I’ll want to wear rags like them.”

“Your Jedi robes aren’t rags enough?”

He looked back at her and saw her smirk. But he also saw worry in her brow. “Maybe you’re right.” He returned his attention to the control panel to avoid her gaze.

“Here.” She wrapped a ragged scarf around him. “Use it to wrap around your face. That and your hood should make you look the part.”

He looked at her again. Her jaw was firm as she too looked at the control panel. He set his hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry about me, alright?”

She scoffed, “I’m not worried about _you_. I’m worried about Poe." He smiled inwardly. "You know this wouldn’t’ve happened if you’d just listened to me in the first place. Like a good son.”

He nodded, “You’re right. But we’ll get the map _and_ Dameron. You know that.”

Her worried expression relinquished a hopeful smile and at that he smiled too. She viewed all members of the Resistance as family, but there was something about the rugged, handsome young pilot that flickered her protective instincts.

“I have to go now.”

She wrapped her arms around him and he returned her gesture. She was small in his arms but her power always exceeded her stature. “Be safe.” She said.

“Always.”

Moments later he was in hyperspace, having left his mother and the Resistance ship behind him. It wasn’t much longer before he arrived near Jakku. The First Order ship remained in the desolate system but his small shuttle was free to move onto the desert planet without detection. The planet of Jakku was a barren wasteland, even before the battle that occurred nearly 30 years earlier. Coarse sand blew against his ship and whipped around the hull as he landed where they'd sent Dameron. Before exiting, he resolved to make quick work searching for any trace of the droid.

But on departing his shuttle and seeing the carnage, he couldn’t focus on the droid just yet. Ben gazed despondently at the bodies scattered across the sand. He walked further into the compound before seeing the lifeless body of an old friend. He knelt before Lor San Tekka. Though not a Jedi, Tekka was the closest thing to it. He believed in the mission of the Jedi, the Resistance, the value of his bloodline. He believed that hope would be restored and gave his life for that belief. The old man’s eyes were closed in purpose, knowing he’d done his part for the Resistance, for the Jedi. Ben blinked away the moisture in his eyes at the sight. Tekka's serenity contrasted with the gruesome sight of his bisected form in the sand. Ben retreated to a hut and retrieved a blanket. He covered his friend and knelt before him again. The dozens of massacred villagers stared brokenly at the empty sky. It was a horror he’d grown accustomed to in the war. He prayed silently and felt the energy of the Force flow and stabilize around him.

_If nothing else, Ben, remember this. The balance of the Force must be maintained. Whenever there is pain, there is joy. Wherever there is suffering, there is also celebration. Whenever there is death, there must also be life. You may not see it, but you can feel it if you open yourself to it. Let that balance guide you and hold you when your emotions threaten to take hold._

The memory of his lessons in the Jedi temple brought conflicting emotions. He was no Jedi. Master Skywalker had left before the ending of his training and Ben was left without a teacher. Yet the lessons he learned from his uncle did ultimately bring him peace. There was sorrow, but there was hope. BB-8 was still roaming, still waiting for Dameron, for him. He had to find him and return hope to the stars.

Ben searched the huts before he returned to his ship. There were no clues in them that led to the droid. However, he found a map to the closest town, one he was familiar with, Blowback Town. Ben returned to his ship and entered the coordinates, leaving the desolate compound behind. He wished he could have done more for his old friend, for the souls that were lost, but he had to move forward. This mission was too important. He followed the coordinates and landed where a few other ships had settled.

Shouldering his bag, Ben prepared to exit the shuttle and venture to the decrepit city. But before opening the shuttle door, he wrapped his scarf around his mouth and head, only allowing his eyes to be seen, and raised his hood. Surely no one would remember him, but he couldn’t chance it.

He spent hours searching the city, asking locals if they’d seen the droid but no one could answer him. Night fell before he relented and began to return to his ship. On his way, he felt a pull in the Force. He turned to find its source and saw a beaten sign for a bar. It was familiar in a way and he approached it slowly before the memory of it settled in his mind. Ben wasn’t sure if the man he’d met before would be there, but if he was, he would be useful. He was possibly the only ally he had on the planet.

Ben entered and coughed at the intense smell of smoke and alcohol. He composed himself quickly and searched the seating area for the man. Finally, his eyes settled on a familiar face.

A fleshy, beady-eyed, Blarina with a long, pointed snout sat in a booth alone. He had a meal before him but seemed to be more preoccupied with the drink. Ben searched his mind superficially to find the one detail he needed, the name. He then approached and sat across from him. The Blarina noticed with a start and searched the stranger’s eyes. Ben stared back, not breaking eye-contact for a second.

“It’s not polite to stare.” The Blarina said.

“You’re Ohn Gos, correct?” Ben asked.

“I _may_ be.”

Ben nodded and searched with the Force to tell if anyone was eavesdropping. Everyone seemed too preoccupied with their drinks and merriment to care. He leaned in, “I need your help.”

“You forgot one thing.”

Ben stared, unblinking.

“Your name?”

Ben’s gaze faltered. “You don’t remember me?”

“Hard to tell by just the eyes, I’m afraid.” Good. His disguise was enough to fool him.

“My father once came to you for help. He was looking for something. A ship. I was there too. With a Wookiee.”

“Two men and a Wookiee. Don’t normally come across a trio like that.”

“I was younger then.”

“Scrawnier too if you are who I think y’are." Ben felt his ears burning. "I’ve come across plenty of oddballs and the like but a trio like that _specifically_ , I only recall one.”

“So you remember.”

“I _may_.” Gos’ eyes were knowing as he stared at Ben.

“I will repay you for this favor.”

“And how would you expect to do that?”

“Credits.”

Gos laughed loudly. “You got anything better than that?”

Ben’s frustration broke his placid exterior. “What would you want?”

“Transport. I need goods sent to Yavin 4.”

“I can’t give you that now but if you help me, I can set something set up at Yavin 4 to help you in the future.”

Gos glowered at him and scratched his neck. “Are you really that boy from so long ago? What happened to your father? I heard what happened at Niima but nothing beyond that.”

“He returned to his former glory in the only thing he was good at.”

Gos laughed at that. “After Niima, can’t say I blame ‘im.”

Beneath his scarf, Ben glowed in embarrassment. It was all fine and good for him to make fun of his father, but to have strangers laugh at his failures, it flicked at something inside of him that he tried to suppress. “Do we have a deal?”

Gos rubbed his bald, pink head and sighed, “I always had a soft spot for him. I guess that’s extended to family. What do you need?”

“I’m looking for a droid. An orange and white BB-series astromech droid. He belonged to a friend and it’s urgent I find him.”

“What friend?”

“A pilot for the Republic, Poe Dameron.”

“How’d he lose him?”

“I’m not sure. He didn’t supply me with the details. He just told me to help him find it. It has some schematics for a new palace the Republic is constructing.”

“That’s a pretty lie if I ever heard one.”

“Please,” Ben withdrew a communications device from his bag, “all I ask is that you call me if you find it.”

Gos’ brow furrowed at the outdated piece Ben had set on the table.

“Budget cuts.” Also, it was outdated enough that the First Order wouldn't listen in should the droid be discovered.

Gos stared him down.

“Will you help me, or not?”

The Blarina sighed and took the device. It was small enough for him to tuck into his chest pocket.

“Thank you. The Republic will do what it can to repay you.”

Ben set down a few credits on the table, enough to pay for the meal, drink, and then some. He left the bar swiftly and looked out into the cold night. Desert planets were always this way, blistering in the day and frozen tundras at night. The black sky was dotted with stars and almost made that barren place beautiful. Many cities seemed to block out the stars with their bright lights and it was a healthy change of pace to see the stars this way. Ben finished his reverie after seeing a few thugs approaching him. He waved his hand to shoo them away through Force suggestion. They turned down an alley and he hurriedly returned to his ship. Once inside, he stared at the map again. There were a few small settlements marked by hand on the map and the closest one was the one he wanted to visit least. However, he saw no way around it and set his course.

As he flew, the need for sleep began to overtake him. He searched for a safe place to shield himself should the First Order return. On finding a large settlement of rocks, he carefully landed his ship among them and turned off the power. Ben retreated to his bunk and closed his eyes. The need for sleep was strong but he couldn’t help listening to the sounds around his ship.

They could return at any moment. Their pulsing red weapons flashed in his mind.

He focused his thoughts. The First Order wouldn’t find him. He clung to his pillow then, begging it to provide reprieve.

_Steady your breathing. You’re too tense. Meditation is about feeling the Force around you, not thinking about your next test._

The familiar pit returned to his stomach thinking about Master Skywalker. He rolled over then, steadied his breathing, felt for the balance of the Force. After a moment, he felt the Force balancing. For some reason, he knew then that it would be fine. Serenity found him finally and it almost felt like small, gentle hands over his heart. They relaxed him and he felt at peace for the first time in months. Maybe more relaxed than he’d been in years. Since before he visited Jakku. Since before Master Skywalker fled. Since before the slaughter.

The gentle hands pushed those thoughts away and all that was left was the image of the temple where he’d spent his childhood. He looked around him and though no one was with him, he knew he wasn't alone. There was a presence breathing in time with him. He searched lazily for them and the stone walls gave way to the bright sky, the sun shone on his face. It was warmer than he remembered and he closed his eyes reveling in it. The soft hands returned and pressed against his chest, over his heart. He lazily opened his eyes and saw nothing but felt the presence in front of him. The hands calmed him and excited him all at once. His heart beat steadily and he listened to his blood pumping in his ears. He focused on the hands. They belonged to a grown but smaller figure. There were no details but he felt as though he knew this person. They were familiar and waiting for him. He slowly raised his hands to meet theirs -

**CRASH**


	2. The Stormtrooper & The Scavenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben meets two new characters in his search for BB-8. One he's going to save, the other he's going to have a /very interesting/ relationship with.

Ben sat upright at the sound. He ran to the cockpit and looked out at the bright, sandy terrain. A pillar of smoke bloomed in the distance. He checked the clock and saw he’d slept for longer than he’d intended. Then he powered up the ship and followed the trail of smoke that billowed over the dunes. Finally, he saw an escape chair with its parachute lying across the sand. A figure fled the scene in full stormtrooper armor, save for the helmet. Ben watched it and noticed it racing for a larger wreck meters away. He debated on investigating. There were no other ships around. Perhaps there was a malfunction and this soldier was left behind? Would the First Order come back for him? Probably not. They had more where he came from. He decided it was in his best interest to appear as a concerned local and learn what the First Order was up to.

Ben landed a few yards from the wreckage and covered his face with the scarf. Surely the First Order didn’t have every stormtrooper memorize his face, but it wasn’t worth the risk. He exited his ship and approached the wreck. It was a TIE fighter and he searched for any signs of life before the dark-skinned stormtrooper joined him. He was a strong-looking man, even under his armor. The stark contrast of black and white boiled Ben’s blood but he stifled it quickly. _Compassion for all lives_ , he reminded himself.

“Are you alright?” Ben asked.

“POE!” The stormtrooper yelled.

The man took no notice of him and kept screaming for _Poe_. Surely it was a coincidence. Before he could think more on it, Ben noticed the sand began to tremble and he quickly grabbed the soldier to pull him away as the TIE fighter sunk into the sand. Ben kept pulling him further away, towards his ship, and the man didn’t resist but continued to cry out. Once it had swallowed the craft, the sand belched from the ground as the ship’s reactor exploded beneath in the sand’s weight. Ben stopped then as the stormtrooper stared at the earth where his ship was only moments ago. Ben looked him over and felt the soldier’s immense fear and loneliness. He almost felt a sense of understanding in him. But then he noticed that the soldier was holding something, a Republic pilot’s jacket.

“Where did you get that?” Ben said more apprehensively as he grabbed the garment.

The stormtrooper held tight to it and glared at Ben. His jaw set in anger at his apparent loss.

Ben didn’t back down, though. This was no coincidence. This First Order goon knew something about Poe. He gripped tighter, “Where did you get this?”

“None of your business.” The man tried to pull it from Ben but there was no way he’d give up.

“Tell me!”

“It was my friend’s! The one in the TIE fighter!”

“Liar!" Ben's rage was bubbling in his stomach. "This is a Republic pilot’s jacket. You wouldn’t know anything about it.”

“Oh, yes I do! I know more about it than you.”

“Where is the rest of your fleet?”

“I have no fleet!”

“You’re a stormtrooper! Kill one and two more pop up.”

“So you’re planning to kill me. Over what, a jacket?”

“A jacket that doesn’t belong to you!” Ben felt his anger mounting at this stubborn, stupid, First Order nobody. He pushed him away with the Force, brutishly, but not enough to cause much harm. Ben tucked the jacket under his arm and began to return to his ship. Then he felt the soldier approaching at top speed. Ben turned and held him in his place with ease.

The man stared at him, frightened. He’d witnessed this power before, but at the hands of darker men. Ben was not like them, he reminded himself. He released him and watched the armored man crumple to the ground in relief.

A moment passed and Ben took a moment to compose himself. His emotions had gotten the better of him, again, and he’d reacted poorly. He was better than that. He knew how to act, but when he thought of Lor San Tekka, Poe, BB-8, he only saw red.

“Who are you?” The stormtrooper asked.

Ben breathed in, the air having a suppressive effect on his fury. He breathed out the negativity. Or at least he tried. Then, in an even tone replied, “It’s no concern of yours.”

The soldier looked at the jacket sadly. “I tried to save him. Please, he was-”

Ben glared at the soldier through the small slit of his mask. His teeth ground at the thought of Poe being trusting enough to go along with a stormtrooper. “Your _friend_? If this belongs to who I think it did, he was no friend of yours. He hates - hated the First Order.”

“I did too! That’s why I helped him escape.”

Lies, lies, all lies. It was all they knew how to do. His blood pumped harder as his heart began to race. Ben glared and snarled, he gripped the jacket tighter, “LIAR!” The sand blew away around him. He didn't see far into this man's mind, but he saw his fear, his cowardice in the face of battle. He was running away and he'd do anything to get away. The rest he pieced together. “You tricked him into trusting you. You used his piloting skills to get away. You killed him so you wouldn’t have the First Order hunting you.” He wouldn’t buy this traitor’s story. If he’d betrayed the First Order, he’d have no trouble betraying Dameron.

“No!” He stood up and faced Ben now, braver than either of them anticipated, “I helped him because I didn’t want to be in the First Order. They slaughtered an entire village and made _me_ a part of it. I couldn’t do it!”

Ben’s fury was subsiding as he saw the desperate, honest look in the soldier’s eyes. His anger had caused him to lie to himself. To form false ideas of who this man truly was. A treacherous trait of his bloodline. “You were there?”

The man seemed surprised by the question. “What?”

“You were at the village? It wasn’t far from here.”

“Yes.”

A familiar tingling sensation burned his eyes as tears began to form. He bit his lip before asking, “You didn’t kill anyone?”

“I couldn’t.”

He felt the man’s sadness and fear but also a twinge of regret, almost a feeling of unbearable loneliness and loss. “You lost someone.”

The man watched him before nodding. “The closest thing I had to… someone.”

“The First Order wouldn’t let you be close to anyone. No ties. Just the Order.”

He nodded.

Ben looked down at the jacket and regained himself. He returned his gaze to the stormtrooper, who seemed to look at him hopefully. Ben turned from him and headed towards his ship, “Come on.”

The man didn’t move.

“I’ll let you keep the jacket, but you’ve got to take off that armor first. There’s a fresher in my ship. Come on.”

The soldier followed him then. He took the jacket and retreated to the refresher. Meanwhile, Ben checked the map again and began preparing to take off. He set out a few rations and water for the ex-stormtrooper as well. He supposed that if he was indeed a turncoat, then he needed to be treated with humanity. After a few more minutes, the man returned in all black and Dameron’s jacket. It suited him, to Ben's begrudging amusement. If Poe were still alive, he’d no doubt have mixed feelings about a First Orderling wearing his precious coat. The thought almost made Ben laugh. Almost.

“What’s your name?” Ben asked.

“FN-” he stopped, then remembered something and said resolutely, “Finn.”

“Sit there, Finn. Buckle in, and eat. We’re headed to our next destination.”

Finn did as he was prompted and set upon the rations quickly. “And where’s that?” Ben drove the shuttle off the ground and began their journey. It wouldn’t take much time to get to there.

“Niima Outpost. I was sent here to find a droid.”

“An orange and white BB unit? With the map to Luke Skywalker.”

Ben slowly turned his head to his guest. “What?”

“That’s what you’re after, right? The map? You’re with the Resistance.”

Ben looked ahead then, back at the sands of Jakku. “Poe told you.”

“Yeah, it was his droid, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. He must’ve trusted you.”

“I mean, he let me fire the cannons on the TIE fighter.”

Ben said nothing to that. How did this stormtrooper gain Dameron’s trust so quickly? Was he really so special, or was Dameron easily swayed by his own fancy for the man? He shook the thought away, not really caring either way. “That information is classified. He shouldn’t have told you that.”

“Classified? You must be high up, then. Who are you anyway?”

“I’m with the Resistance, that’s all you need to know.”

“You have special powers too, like the Knights of Ren.”

“I’m nothing like the Knights of Ren.”

“Then what are you like?”

“No one that matters.”

“You’re not going to answer any of my questions, are you?”

“Probably not.”

“You won’t even take off your mask?”

Ben glowered at him, he would not be swayed as Dameron had. He still had his suspicions. “I’ll take it off when we arrive back at the base and not a minute sooner.”

“But who are you? What do I call you?”

“Just call me Matt.”

They were silent the rest of the way. As it came into view, Ben noted the slightly familiar layout of the area. He'd only visited once before but the scene was burned into his mind. Niima was a sad town, not even a town, filled with scavengers and poor merchants only trading portions rather than credits. He wasn’t excited to be in that place again but it was all he had to go on. His scanners weren’t picking up anything, but then again, BB-8 may have been smart enough to turn on his cloaking software.

He landed his ship where a few others dotted the terrain. Ben and Finn exited and made their way to the market. The sand covered everything as it had before. Everything looked exactly the same. The locals paid them no mind as they strode through the market. They both kept their eyes peeled for the round unit. Then, they heard a high-pitched “Oi!” to their right.

A scavenger girl had kicked a kneeling man only to have another taller man grab her from behind. She kicked wildly and then clamped down on her captor with her tight jaw. The man dropped her in an instant and she was met with the fist of the man she’d kicked. She took it like it was nothing and began berating him with her staff.

Finn yelled heroically and ran to help the girl but she seemed to hold her own. Even when she was caught by the bitten man with her own staff, she kicked her original target to the ground and spun, regaining her weapon, to beat the other to the ground. She was swift, wily, and _puny_ , but defeated them with ease. Finn stopped short a few yards from her and Ben made his way to catch up to him.

He almost had a smart comment to make about women holding their own on junk planets but Finn quickly dashed away. His figure was replaced by the girl who was chasing him at full speed, teeth bared, and dirt like war paint smeared across her cheeks. Ben watched helplessly before realizing the round, orange and white object following them.

“Hey!” He shouted and rushed after them all. The girl ran at top speed and disappeared between the rows of merchant stands and stalls. It took him a minute to find her again until he saw her, staff at the ready, towering over Finn. BB-8 also had a taser at the ready before administering a shock to the man.

“Hey!” Ben shouted again and stormed over to them. The girl looked at him, glaring, and held up her staff to keep him at bay. BB-8 made a few beeps before rolling over to him.

“You know him?” The girl asked the droid. It beeped and whirred looking at her. It knew him in passing, but it knew he was with the Resistance.

“You’re with the Resistance?” The girl’s eyes brightened and she lowered her staff. Ben nodded once and then looked down at Finn. She followed his eyes. “Then what are you doing with this thief?”

“Thief?!” Finn replied.

“Your jacket! This droid says you stole it.”

“What?”

“Where’d you get it? It belongs to his master.”

Finn sighed and Ben helped him explain, “It belonged to Poe Dameron.”

Finn continued, “He was captured by the First Order. I helped him escape, but our ship crashed.”

“Poe didn’t make it.” Ben finished. They all watched as BB-8 drooped and beeped dejectedly. The girl looked at the droid affectionately and Ben noticed that the girl seemed attached to the droid. The droid too had been with her and he wondered how that came about. Perhaps BB-8 had decided that this girl would be his interim master until Dameron returned. Droids didn't attach to just anyone. She must've done something to show her worth and that piqued Ben’s curiosity.

“I tried to help him,” Finn attempted to comfort the droid. “I’m sorry.” BB-8 rolled away and Ben had no choice but to follow it. He couldn’t let him out of his sight.

“BB-8.” Ben attempted. The droid didn’t stop.

“BB-8.” He tried again. But still it kept rolling.

“I know you’re upset, but we have a mission to complete. We have to get back to the base.”

Finally, the droid stopped rolling and Ben knelt beside him. “I’m sorry about Poe. I know how much you cared about each other.” BB-8 seemed more to whimper than beep now. Ben put a hand on the masterless droid and pat him in his best attempt at friendliness. The droid looked at him and Ben knew he would be no substitute for the pilot, but he hoped for a moment that the droid would find some form of allegiance to him.

Then, BB-8 perked up and looked out towards the desert. Ben followed his line of sight and saw two stormtroopers approaching the thugs that had attacked the scavenger girl. “Oh, no.”  



	3. The Garbage Will Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Order attacks! How on earth will our heroes escape? On a junk freighter of course!

BB-8 didn’t think twice and rolled away quickly. Ben ran to catch up with him as they returned to the girl and Finn. The droid beeped alarmingly and the trio looked to see the stormtroopers readying their weapons. Finn immediately grabbed the girl’s hand.

“Let go of my hand!” She protested loudly before they all began to flee. They heard the familiar sound of blasters firing and their bullets colliding with matter in an explosion of light. The group ran through the market, avoiding fire before finally settling in a tent.

“They’re shooting at _all_ of us.” The scavenger said clinging to a pole.

Finn searched the tent for something, “Yeah, they saw you with me. You’re all marked.”

“Well, thanks for that.” They continued to bicker and Ben knelt down to BB-8’s level.

He searched for anywhere that Dameron may have hidden the map before he heard the girl ask, “Are you alright?” He looked at her for a moment as Finn complained at the lack of weaponry. She was looking at BB-8 and checking on him, hazel eyes full of worry. She turned her gaze to him then and for a moment she seemed familiar. The sound of ion engines roaring returned him to their position and rattled him out of the want to remove his mask. Finn grabbed both of their hands and fled the tent with them, BB-8 close behind.

“Stop taking my hand!” The girl protested as she had before and they ran before looking up to see a TIE fighter. It shot at all of them and they were blown forward by the force of the ammunition hitting the earth. The dust began to clear and Ben searched frantically for BB-8. Traders and scavengers alike fled the market and between them, he saw the girl and Finn, and then the droid rolling around. He crawled to the droid as the girl frantically crept to check her new friend. BB-8 was unharmed and joined the girl in rousing Finn.

Ben was almost jealous that this droid cared more for these strangers than it did for him. He was actually acquainted with the droid prior to this exchange. He chalked it up to the junk planet of Jakku. Nothing good ever happened on Jakku.

The three of them rose and as they witnessed more carnage Ben said, “We can make it to my ship.” The moment the words left his mouth, a TIE fighter flew past and blasted his ship to pieces. Ben’s shoulders slumped and he growled. “Or not. Now what?” The girl bolted and the rest of the crew followed behind. They ran beyond the gate of the outpost toward a ragged old ship.

She shouted, “We can outrun them in that quadjumper!”

Finn looked back at Ben, “Can you fly that thing?”

The girl shouted back, “Yes!”

Finn looked to his right and asked, “What about that ship?”

Ben looked in the direction and his eyes widened. A phantom from his childhood rested on the dunes. It had to be a mirage. He’d heard of those before. Either way, it would not work to save them now.

“That one’s garbage!” The girl yelled.

 **BAM!** The quadjumper burst into a volcanic eruption before them and they all stopped in their tracks.

“The garbage will do.” She began running toward the junked freighter. They had no other options.

Miraculously, the ship wasn’t destroyed by the attackers, probably due to the fact that it looked like it couldn’t even fly. They ran up the on-ramp and the girl took control, pointing Finn to the gunners and waving a hand for Ben to follow her. Finn and Ben shared a look before following her orders.

Finn called to her, “You ever fly this thing?”

“No!” She sat in the captain’s seat and began looking at the controls. “This ship hasn’t flown in years.” Ben, in the co-pilot’s chair, reached in to help. She then muttered to herself, “I can do this. I can do this.”

They got off to a bumpy start. She engaged the thrusters but had no control of the steering. Having flown this particular freighter before, Ben took his controls and helped her guide the ship up and away from the ground.

They were flying high, Ben was set to return to the base before the First Order had any inkling that he’d been there. He began preparing them to jump into light speed when Finn shouted from the gunner, “Hey! Stay low! Stay low!”

“What?” Ben questioned.

“Stay low! It confuses their tracking.”

He was right.

Then the girl took control, yelling back to the droid, “BB-8, hold on!”

She was a natural, but still green. He kept her steady with a few helpful maneuvers but she managed to have a skill that rivaled his own when he’d first learned to fly. Two TIE fighters blew past them, forcing them on their side to move out of the way. Ben looked back as BB-8 rolled and crashed on the side of the ship. The girl steadied them and shouted to her gunner, “What are you doing back there? Are you ever going to fire back?”

“I’m working on it! Are the shields up?”

She reached across her co-pilot then with a slender gauzed arm and Ben gave her a deadpan look as he flipped the shields on. She looked at him almost appreciatively for a second before she returned to steering. The fighters kept on their tail but they soon heard firing from their own ship. Then, a blast glanced the hull.

“We need cover, quick!” Finn called.

“We’re about to get some!” She replied before whispering to herself, “I hope.”

“You _hope_?”

She didn’t pay any attention to him and kept her concentration focused on her plan. She and Finn worked in tandem but could not shake the fighters. He saw a giant ship jutting out of the earth and she careened towards it.

“Slow down.” He muttered.

She didn’t listen.

“Slow down!” He said louder, looking at her. She had a plan. The image of her intention flashed in his mind and he looked back at their giant obstacle. Ben grit his teeth and clung to the armrests as she swerved away from it just in time. She almost lost the TIE fighter, but it was sleek and could keep up with the junk ship with ease.

A large blast rang behind them and they watched as the TIE fighter following them blew past, smoking from a critical hit. “Nice shot!” The girl shouted back to him. The fighter crashed to the ground, nearly colliding with scavengers there.

They pressed on, one TIE fighter left.

The ship shook and Finn called from below, “Uh, the cannon’s stuck in forward position. I can’t move it. You gotta lose him!”

She scanned the terrain frantically before her eyes settled on the thrusters of a large marooned spacecraft. Ben saw her mind working, he wasn’t even trying to read her thoughts but rather received them like a shared holo stream. He blinked at the risk she was taking before saying, “You’re insane.”

“Get ready!” She said to him and Finn.

“For what?” Finn called.

The scavenger flipped a switch and pushed on, gaining speed. She spun the ship around quickly and thrust forward down the barrel.

“Are we really doing this?” Finn cried.

Ben looked at her, she clearly didn’t intend to answer, focusing on her escape. The fighter shot at the surrounding walls, causing explosions to nearly blind them. But the girl was unafraid, pressing on. She knew the way. Maybe.

“Oh no.” She muttered as the way grew tighter. The fighter was closing in, Ben could almost feel its blasters locking on to them. Then, they both saw the way out. She turned the ship quickly, hoping to lose the fighter, but it was relentless.

“It’s not working!” Ben complained.

“Shut up!” Then she pulled a lever and spun the ship upside down, giving Finn the perfect angle to strike. They heard it first and then saw the smoke and debris fall to the sand below. She pushed the lever back to its former position letting them fly off of the planet before the pieces hit the earth.

Ben began to catch his breath and watched the young pilot. She pushed a few more buttons and flipped a few more switches before realizing he was staring at her.

“Who _are_ you?” He asked.

She breathed heavily and avoided his gaze before they heard Finn returning from the gunner. She ran off to greet him and Ben turned to the controls. His blood pumped in his ears and he almost felt it in his cheeks. He took some calming breaths before setting the coordinates for the Resistance base. That would be an interesting conversation. His mother would certainly be surprised to see him instead of his father exiting the _Millenium Falcon_.

The two other crew members chattered away about their excitement and amazement at one another. His mother would be pleased at him finding both the map and two new recruits. It might even make up for losing Dameron. He felt a jingling in his breast pocket and reached in to find the ancient communicator crushed. He huffed. It didn’t matter, he supposed. He had BB-8. Gos wouldn’t be contacting him anyway.

They quieted for a moment and he figured their adrenaline was still pumping, probably enough for them to form an attraction. He’d seen it hundreds of times before. Good, sensible fighters losing their heads for one another and becoming absolutely useless. He nearly chuckled but then he heard a pipe burst.

“What was that?” He called back but no one responded. He stormed to them and found Finn kneeling beside an opened grate and the girl below, messing around his father’s ship. “What are you doing?”

“It’s the motivator.” She answered. Ben knelt down to join Finn in helping her. “Grab me a Harris wrench, check in there.” She pointed toward a box of junk and the two set about their search.

“How bad is it?” Ben asked.

“If we want to live, not good.”

“What?” Ben snapped.

“They’re hunting for us now.” Finn reminded them. “We’ve got to get out of this system!”

“BB-8 said the location of the Resistance base is ‘need to know.’ If I’m taking you there, I need to know.”

“This?” Finn held up a tool and she nodded prompting him to throw it to her.

“Don’t worry. I’ve set the coordinates. We’ll be on our way once this is fixed.”

With the girl in the hole, Finn spoke to Ben in a whisper, “Thank you.”

Ben almost wondered what he meant but a quick read of him showed that he’d lied to her, saying he was a member of the Resistance. He shook his head at the idiocy of it all. “You’re going to have to tell her the truth eventually.”

“How you figure that?”

“She’s smart and can probably spot liars once her adrenaline stops pumping.”

“What does that mean?”

The girl popped up again, “Pilex driver, hurry.” Finn and Ben set about their search. “So where’s your base?” She asked Ben.

“The Ileenium System.”

“The _Ileenium_ System?” She repeated incredulously.

Finn nodded as he searched, “Yeah, the Ileenium System.” Finn threw another tool at her and she ducked below again. “Get this fixed and we’ll be out of here in no time.”

“I’ll drop you three at Ponemah Terminal.” Ben leaned over where she was and she popped up again almost knocking him in the face. “I need the bonding tape, hurry!”

“What about you?” Both men asked.

“I’ve got to get back to Jakku.”

“Back to Jak-” Finn started, “Why does everyone want to get back to Jakku?” Ben had to agree with Finn on that front.

“It’s not that one.” Rey said noticing the tape in Finn’s hand. Ben searched and picked up one, “No.” She replied and the two of them picked up various pieces to which she kept saying, “No. No. No.” Ben looked around and her stern voice overpowered Finn’s griping about Jakku. “The one I’m pointing to. You. No.” Ben flushed as he became increasingly nervous at her clear abhorrence of their uselessness. “No. No. No! If we don’t patch it up the propulsion tank will overflow and flood the ship with poisonous gas!”

“Could you please stop yelling! You’re starting to stress me out!” He stared at her wide-eyed and angry only to meet her own fury. BB-8 rolled beside him and beeped.

Finn snatched the tape, “This?”

“Yes!”

Perhaps Ben’s adrenaline was still pumping because for some reason he was increasingly agitated with this girl and the way that the ex-stormtrooper seemed to gain her trust faster than he had.

Finn crawled over the hole to speak to her. “Hey, you’re a pilot. You can fly anywhere. Why go back? You got a family? You got a boyfriend? A cute boyfriend?” Ben rolled his eyes.

She popped up again, almost irate. “None of your business, that’s why.”

The main lights shut off and gave way to the darkness. The only lights that remained were the emergency bulbs which glowed an ominous red.


	4. Dear Ol' Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which daddy issues ensue. Poor Ben just can't catch a break.  
> I hope you all don’t mind that I cut the rathtar scene. I know it’s important to the story, to reintroduce Han Solo to the newbies, but it’s not important to my story. I tried and I couldn’t make it work. Hopefully, what transpires is enough substitute.

Ben retreated to the cockpit followed by the girl and Finn. He instinctively sat in the pilot seat and began troubleshooting. The girl joined and checked the area for any ships.

“Someone’s locked on to us.” She realized.

Ben nodded. “All controls are overridden.”

They all looked up at the sound of large metal doors opening above them. Finn then climbed up the seats and put his hands on the pilots’ heads to level himself. They both swatted him away as he clung to a beam on the ceiling. A red light illuminated the room and the girl asked, “See anything?”

A giant ship overtook them, surrounding them on all sides. Finn jumped back onto the floor, “It’s the First Order.”

Ben then felt an old, nostalgic presence. He left the cockpit immediately and followed the way the Force led him. He approached the entry from the on-ramp. Whatever was preparing to board them was set to shoot. He should have hidden. He shouldn’t be the first thing they see. But he couldn’t hide from this. Ben stood back as the mechanisms whirred. He only faintly heard Finn calling to someone named “Matt.” Oh, right. He was Matt. Ben stared down the door and the minute it opened saw two unforgettable faces.

Han Solo and Chewbacca stared back at him, weapons drawn, ready to fire. He nodded to them and held up his hands to show he had no intention to fight. The smuggler was older than he remembered. His hair was gray and thinning, wrinkles set in his face made his scowl all the more begrudging. He wore a leather jacket and pants, clinging to a youth long gone but still the suave pilot he’d always been. Chewie, on the other hand, looked as he always had, well groomed but ready for anything.

“I believe this is yours.” Ben said from behind the veil of the scarf his mother had given him.

Han Solo looked him up and down before lowering his weapon. “And you are?”

“The one who helped reclaim your ship,” he paused before adding an ego-boosting, “Captain.”

Han got a kick out of that and holstered his weapon. Chewie and him looked further into the _Falcon_ before Han finally said, “Chewie, we’re home.”

Ben glared at him for that before pushing his feelings aside again. Chewie growled and the two began to reacquaint themselves with their ship. After a few moments, they all heard metal clanging below the deck and Chewie lifted the grate where the rest of Ben’s “crew” was hiding.

Han looked at Ben. “Who’re they?”

“My fighter and my pilot.”

“Him?”

“I’m the pilot.” The girl piped up. Her voice was muffled and Ben approached to see they were wearing gas masks. What had they planned on doing? Chewie growled at them.

“No, it’s true.” Ben said. “We’re the only ones onboard.”

Finn questioned to Ben, “You can understand that thing?”

“Yes.” He replied and his answer was echoed by the girl.

Han cut in, glaring at Finn, “And ‘that thing’ can understand you, too, so watch it.” He waved his gun too easily at them, “Come on out of there.”

Chewie growled again as the two climbed out of the hole. Finn struggled to get BB-8 out until Ben helped. They settled the droid on deck while Han began his interrogation.

“Where’d you get this ship?” Han asked Ben.

“Niima Outpost.” His pilot replied.

Han turned his attention to her, “Jakku? It was still there?”

“Still?”

“I had an idea it was there. Tried to get it back once. Did _not_ work. How’d you get it?”

“I stole it. From Unkar Plutt. He stole it from the Irving Boys, who stole it from Ducain.”

“Who stole it from me! Well, you tell him that Han Solo just stole back the _Millennium Falcon_ for good.” Han brushed past Ben and continued back to the entrance.

“This is the _Millennium Falcon_? You’re Han Solo?”

Before leaving the room completely, he stopped and turned back to her, “I used to be.”

Finn interjected, “Han Solo, the Rebellion general?”

“No, the smuggler.” She corrected.

“Wasn’t he a war hero?”

Chewie grunted in mild affirmation and Ben rolled his eyes again. He looked at the girl who watched his father in awe. He’d seen that look before plenty of times when he’d mentioned his father. It made his stomach sick.

She continued, “This is the ship that made the Kessler Run in 14 parsecs?”

“Twelve!” He arrogantly corrected from somewhere else in the ship. Ben scoffed at his father’s hubris.

He fell silent when he met the eyes of his father’s biggest fan. She was not amused at his appearing to be unimpressed by her hero. She was like everyone else, enamoured with his father and who he used to be. She had no idea who he was now, how he’d abandoned everything and everyone to go back to smuggling. Ben tucked his resentment away. There was no place for that here.

He left the crew to find his father and stopped in the hall when he witnessed Han Solo standing proudly in the cockpit. His father had been searching for a way to forget about this ship, a way to forget about his past and his failures. But to be at the helm again, even Ben couldn’t help but let his bitterness subside.

“Hey!” Han turned with a scowl and brushed past Ben who followed him. They returned to the pilot and Han complained, “Some moof-milker put a compressor on the ignition line.”

“Unkar Plutt did.” She replied. “I thought it was a mistake, too. Puts too much stress on the hyperdrive.” Han joined in on that last bit and looked at her bewildered.

“Chewie, throw them in a pod. We’ll drop them at the nearest inhabited planet.”

Chewie growled in response, clearly not liking the idea. The girl and Finn ran to catch up with him before Ben decided that enough was enough.

“We aren’t going anywhere.” Ben said as he approached his father.

“We need your help.” The scavenger interrupted.

“ _My_ help?”

“All we need is your ship.” Ben conceded. “We need to get back to the Resistance base. We have important information for General Organa and it can’t wait any longer.”

Han rolled his eyes before continuing on his way.

“We have a map to Luke Skywalker.”

That stopped him. The three watched as Ben saw the rusty gears turn in the old smuggler’s head. He turned slowly to face them and looked Ben in the eyes.

“You knew him.” Finn said.

“Yeah,” Han remembered. Ben gripped the edge of his mask, if his father saw his face, surely he’d agree to help, “I knew Luke.”

Ben suddenly felt afraid and instead adjusted his mask nervously. What if Han was even less likely to help, knowing his son was before him and hadn’t said anything? What if because of all of the mistakes they both made, Han cast them out? “And Leia.” Ben said, letting his hand return to his side.

Han looked at Ben again, his eyes vulnerable.

“You knew them both.”

“I did.” Han said. Ben approached his father and held his gaze.

“Please take us back. Or at least get us a ship and we’ll take the droid.”

Han thought for a moment, then nodded. “Alright. I’ll get you to someone who can get you a ship.” Ben grit his teeth and fought back his frustration. He still wouldn’t face her. He still wouldn’t face him. “But we’ll have to take the _Falcon_. The bigger freighter would slow us down.” He looked at the girl, “Come on, kid. You can watch while Chewie and I drive.”

Finn and the girl followed the pilots to the cockpit, leaving Ben alone in the hall. The tension left his body and he breathed harshly, realizing he’d been holding his breath. He looked down at his hands and saw indents where his nails had dug into his palms. Ben retreated to the barracks. He couldn’t keep this charade up much longer. He sat on a bunk and glared at the wall ahead.

Ben breathed in shakily and exhaled violently as he gripped the edge of the bed. He closed his eyes and attempted to center himself. He kept his eyes shut tight as he felt the ship kick in to light speed. He felt the darkness creeping in and told himself to focus, to find the balance, to feel the light. But he couldn’t. All he felt was anger at his father for not even having the guts to return to his mother with the greatest gift. She would forgive him so _easily_ then. How many other times had he not helped the Resistance? Had he met other travelers and ignored the chance to get to see his family again? He couldn’t sit anymore.

_You feel it again. The darkness. You have to fight it, Ben. Don’t let it consume you._

Ben stood up and kicked at an empty crate. Through his strength in the Force, it shattered once it collided with the wall and it still wasn’t enough. His father had abandoned him after the worst experience in his life. Left him to face an even greater horror.

_You’re stronger than this. You’re better than this._

He crushed the pieces beneath his feet until finally there was nothing left. The pieces were bits and only heat could destroy their particles now. That gave him an idea.

_Your frustration, your bitterness, it’s too much. Let it go._

Ben used the Force to lift all the tiny broken shards and crushed them together with all his power. The particles collided and the pressure and heat Ben was supplying burned them into a fine powder. The powder seeped through his fingers until there truly was nothing left.

_It’s in your blood. Let it free._

Ben collapsed on the bed and breathed again. That wasn’t Master Skywalker’s voice. He hadn’t heard it in a long time and hearing it nearly caused him to choke on his own breath. He beheld the powder at his feet and it reminded him of the sands of Jakku. That almost made him angrier. He closed his eyes and resolved to focus on the Light. He thought of what made him feel at peace, happy, relaxed. Nothing worked until he remembered the dream he’d had. He thought of the temple, of the sun, of the small hands pressing against his heart. That thought calmed him. The feeling of some presence out there caring to calm the storm, steadied him. It wasn’t there now, but the memory was enough. Soon, sleep overtook him.

* * *

“ _Hey. Hey, wake up!_ ” His vision cleared to reveal Finn looming over him.

“Wha-”

“We’re here.” Finn said. “Your, uh… Your mask is a little…”

Ben adjusted his scarf to cover his face properly.

“You don’t have to wear it. I know you said-”

“I’ll take it off when we arrive back at the base and not a minute sooner.” Ben reminded.

“Right. Let’s go. Rey is already out there.” Suddenly, Ben’s heart sank. _Rey_. That name was familiar for some reason. Like a memory in the back of his mind but he couldn’t quite place it.

“Rey?”

Finn looked at him. “Yeah, Rey. Did you not know her name? Hang on, have you even introduced yourself?”

“No. I didn’t get the chance between running for our lives and her meeting her hero Han Solo.”

“Oh. Well, you should go introduce yourself. But just warning you, I think she’s got a boyfriend.”

Ben’s shoulders slumped and he shook his head, “I don’t care about that.” Ben rose from his bunk and exited the ship.

The landscape was pleasant and serene, rolling greens and a vast glassy lake. A castle in the distance bustled with life. In the center of it all was the girl, Rey, watching it. Her desert garb set her apart from the scene, and he wasn’t sure if he liked that or not. It didn’t matter either way, he was sure she was glad to be anywhere that wasn’t covered in sand. He approached and stood beside her.

She noticed him and squinted up at him, the sun in her eyes. “Oh. Hi.” He could tell she was searching her brain for a name when he supplied it.

“Matt. And you’re Rey? Finn told me.”

“Oh. Yes. Good.” She returned her gaze to the scenery and breathed in the fresh air.

“It’s a lot nicer here than Jakku.”

“It’s beautiful. There’s life everywhere.”

“Well after Jakku, I could’ve taken you to Kadavo and you would’ve said the same thing.”

She looked up at him quizzically. She’d moved only slightly and her eyes were no longer squinting but looking openly at him. They were honest and did something to him that he couldn’t explain.

“It’s-” he stammered and look back out at the lake, “It’s another bleak planet. A little rockier than Jakku.”

“Oh.” She maintained her gaze, almost turning to him completely. “Was that meant to be a joke, then?”

Ben could feel his cheeks warming and he rolled his eyes. “It’s whatever you want.”

Before she could retort, he felt his father approaching from behind and he turned to face him. Han nodded at him the way men do when they greet each other, then turned to Rey and held up a blaster. “You might need this.”

Rey eyed it haughtily. “I think I can handle myself.”

“I know you do. That’s why I’m giving it to you. Take it.”

She took the blaster and held it almost like a child would hold a toy gun. Like how Ben had held his toy gun that Han snuck into the temple when he was a kid. He smirked as she closed one eye while aiming it.

“You know how to use one of those?”

“Yeah. You pull the trigger.”

Han grabbed her hand and guided it down so the gun no longer had the potential to harm anyone, “Little bit more to it than that. You got a lot to learn.” Rey considered it for a moment and smiled inwardly. “You got a name?”

“Rey.” She replied. Ben liked it when she said it. She brought more light to it than his own melancholy voice.

“Rey.” Han said with a smile. He looked away from her and out to the lake. Rey maintained her admiring gaze as he continued, “I been thinking about bringing on some more crew, Rey.” Ben’s stomach knotted at that. _He_ was going to take her to the Resistance. Help her become a pilot. Give her a purpose aside from scavenging. What would his father teach her? Only more of the same. Han continued, “A second mate. Someone to help out. Someone who can keep up with Chewie and me, appreciates the _Falcon_.” Ben seethed and glared out at the scenery.

“Are you offering me a job?” She asked, failing to mask her enthusiasm.

“I wouldn’t be nice to you. Doesn’t pay much.”

“You’re offering me a job.” She was bubbling with energy. He turned to her at that and her own smile brightened the planet.

Han backpedaled, “I’m thinking about it.”

Suddenly, Rey’s face fell and Ben almost punched his father for squashing her hope. Then, as if he knew he’d injured her, Han asked, “Well?”

She shook her head, “If you were, I’d be flattered. But I have to get home.”

Ben and Han both looked bewildered. Han asked, “Where, Jakku?”

“I’ve already been away too long.”

Chewie and BB-8 joined them outside the _Falcon_. Han turned to his co-pilot, “Chewie, check out the ship as best you can.”

The Wookie grunted in reply and Han returned his attention to the girl. He lowered her weapon as it had unceremoniously been pointed at the trees.

“That’s too bad.” He said to her. “Chewie kind of likes you.” Han walked from her and locked eyes with Ben for a moment before moving on towards the castle. Ben saw her eyes scrunch in glee at the thought and it turned his stomach. What did he care if this girl chose to accept? She was probably more suited to this life anyway.

“You should consider it.” Ben said to her. She looked at him guardedly.

“Why do you care?”

“You deserve better than Jakku. You’re more skilled than the scavenging life requires.” Ben meant to end the conversation there and followed his father with her behind him. Finn caught up to them and BB-8 followed behind.

Rey was at his side in an instant and he did his best to keep his eyes forward even though she stared at him. He glanced at her and she seemed to be searching his eyes for something.

“What?” He asked.

“Nothing.” She replied but her stare did not yield.

“If you took his offer, you’d get to see more planets like this.”

She looked away then and glared forward. Ben hadn’t taken the time to truly feel her presence in the Force. He was a tad preoccupied either running for his life or brooding over his father. He felt for her then but she seemed dim, dimmer than most, even moreso than the stormtrooper or his father. He ceased searching her any further. It was inappropriate, his fascination with her. He stuffed it away. She would be gone soon, and then he’d forget all about the scavenger of Jakku.


	5. The Heart of the Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is there such a thing as /shared/ Force visions? Apparently in this fanfiction there is.

The castle was moments away when Finn asked, “Solo, why are we here again?”

“To get your droid on a clean ship.”

“Clean?” Rey asked.

“You think it was luck that Chewie and I found the _Falcon_? If we can find it on our scanners, the First Order’s not far behind.” They passed a large droid as they entered the gates. Rey was closest to his father and looked at him intently, listening to every word. “Wanna get BB-8 to the Resistance? Maz Kanata’s our best bet.” The courtyard was empty, but overhead flags littered the sky. Various colors and symbols painted the stones and brought life to the hard architecture. Above it all stood a statue of a feminine creature extending open, welcoming arms.

“We can trust her, right?” Finn asked.

“Relax, kid. She’s run this watering hole for a thousand years.” They ascended the steps to the entryway, “Maz is a bit of an acquired taste, so let me do the talking.” Ben rolled his eyes. “And whatever you do, don’t stare.”

“At what?” Rey and Finn asked.

“ _Any_ of it.”

Ben had forgotten how inexperienced they were to the ways of the galaxy. The doors opened and Han entered first followed by the motley crew. Music played from a band in the corner and Ben followed his father closely, keeping BB-8 just as close. They passed one of nearly every type of alien from the stretches of the galaxy. They looked around for her before Ben realized he wasn’t even sure who he was looking for.

“Han Solo!” The voice, angry, blatant, and distinctly feminine stopped the music. The bar quieted save for a glass shattering and all eyes turned on them.

“Oh, boy.” Han muttered.

“You said you could handle this.” Ben whispered.

“I can.” He muttered to Ben then waved his hand and attempted a friendly greeting, “Hey Maz!”

Music and chatter returned to the space as a small orange being approached. She was a miniature of the statue outside. Her goggles enlarged her eyes and made her look as though she could see every bit of them, inside and out. Ben noticed her unhappy gaze as she came close and couldn’t help but smirk. His father had been sure that she would help him. Apparently not everyone was swayed by his charms. The idea made him feel light and almost giddy. But they needed her help, and he swallowed his pride. He would behave and if she wouldn’t help his father, maybe she would help him.

“Where’s my boyfriend?” She asked.

“Chewie’s working on the _Falcon_.”

“I like that Wookiee.” She took in the rest of them, “I assume you need something. _Desperately_.” Her small mouth and stature betrayed her confidence. After a thousand years of owning a watering hole, though, she’d have to be boisterous. She waved her hand and headed for an empty table in the back, “Let’s get to it.”

The group followed her and Ben noticed a woman in a strange outfit on the arm of an enormous alien. She whispered to her companion as they passed and Ben tried to listen but the cacophony of the band and the room was too distracting. He thought he heard the words “quick call” spoken in a different dialect. She rose and departed, keeping her eyes locked with his before slinking out of sight. Ben almost followed her but Finn grabbed his arm. “Come on. We’ll ogle at babes later.”

“I wasn’t!” Ben protested before they joined Maz.

A waiter brought them food and Rey set upon it with gusto. As expected, she had no manners and chomped loudly. Finn and Han took a few bites as BB-8 chirped and whirred, telling Maz the full story.

“A map? To Skywalker himself?” She looked at Han, in disbelief. She chuckled, “You are right back in the mess.”

“Maz, I need you to get these guys and the droid to Leia.”

She looked at Ben and then back at Han, nodding and made a squeaking sound as she mulled it over. “No.” She answered shortly and Ben gripped at the coarse fabric of his robe with both hands. “You’ve been running away from this fight for too long.” As quickly as his frustration mounted, it died away and Ben’s grip relented. He almost smiled at her behind his mask. “Han. Go home.”

“Leia doesn’t wanna see me.” The familiar pit in Ben’s stomach returned and he chewed the inside of his mouth to keep quiet. He felt Maz’s eyes on him then and he looked down ashamedly. Did his father truly believe that? That Leia didn’t want to see him after all this time? If only he’d known of the countless times he had to reassure her that she was doing the right thing in not searching for him. That it was her duty to ensure the safety of the Republic and forget about her husband. Ben attempted to convince himself that his father was projecting onto his wife. It was _him_ who didn’t want to see her. That had to be the only explanation.

Finn interceded, “Please, we came here for your help.”

Maz did not respond but Rey looked at her and asked out of nowhere, “What fight?”

“The _only_ fight. Against the dark side. Through the ages, I’ve seen evil take many forms. The Sith. The Empire. Today, it is the First Order. Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy. We must face them. Fight them. All of us.”

“There is no fight against the First Order.” Finn objected. “Not one we can win. Look around. There’s no chance we haven’t been recognized already.” Ben scanned the room for any sign of the woman he’d seen earlier. Nothing. “I bet you the First Order is on their way right-” Finn was distracted from his reverie by Maz adjusting her goggles. She fiddled with the apertures and the gears clicked around her head. “What’s this?”

Finn was visibly surprised. The clicking of gears ceased but the apertures blew Maz’s eyes suddenly wider than they’d been all afternoon. They grew to the size of her goggles and took over more than half her face. “What are you doing?” She pushed dishes and cups forcefully from the table as she climbed across it.

Ben stilled a goblet through the Force before it could fall into Rey’s lap. He reached with his hand and pretended to catch it like a _normal_ human and she locked eyes with him. He set the goblet on the table out of Maz’s path. Meanwhile, Finn continued, “Solo, what is she doing?”

Rey maintained her gaze. He swallowed louder than he’d intended looking at her. Her eyes were questioning him. Had she seen him use the Force? Would she understand? Or think him strange? Why did he care about _that_? Han replied to Finn, “I don’t know. But it ain’t good.”

Ben felt self-conscious. He almost thought Rey could see into his mind, see his nervousness beneath her gaze. Maz finally spoke, “If you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people.” Rey bored into him and he realized his lips had parted. He shut and wetted them reflexively while heat spread on his cheeks beneath his mask. “I’m looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run.”

Ben did not break their contest. “You don’t know a thing about me.” He could hear the resentment in Finn’s voice. “Where I’m from. What I’ve seen.” Rey severed their connection as she looked to the ex-stormtrooper. Ben breathed out shakily. “You don’t know the First Order like I do. They’ll slaughter us. We all need to run.”

Ben looked to his father then. He seemed to be paying no attention and instead chewed on an apple. Relief flooded him and he looked back at the alien on the table.

“Hmm.” She backed away then and settled back in her seat. She pointed to two aliens chatting at a table meters away. “You see those two? They’ll trade work for transportation to the Outer Rim. There, you can disappear.”

“Finn?” Rey sounded disappointed in her friend. Finn looked at her and leaned in, taking her hand.

“Come with me.” He pleaded. Ben bit his tongue, suppressing a huff. _Everyone_ wanted the scavenger.

“What about BB-8? And Matt? We’re not done yet. We have to get them back to your base.”

BB-8 vocalized Ben’s anxiety. She would find out soon enough that this sad man wasn’t who he masqueraded as. “I can’t.” He replied. Finn rose and attempted to return the gun he’d received from Han Solo.

Han sighed, “Keep it, kid.”

Finn looked back at Rey and Ben one last time before slinging the gun over his shoulder and retreating. Rey looked between the rest of the crew. Her newest friend, possibly her only friend (Ben wouldn’t lie to himself) had abandoned her. None of them would do anything and she rose from her seat to go after him.

Ben nearly stood but remembered that she wasn’t his mission. He had to get back to the Resistance. She was falling for Finn, he reminded himself. The thought made him flush with an emotion he couldn’t place and he did his best to tuck it away. He heard Maz ask his father, “Who’s the girl?”

Han began to tell the story of how he’d come across the crew in his ship. Ben tried to listen, hoping that it would circle around to getting him a ship back to the Resistance. However, all he could do was stare as Rey attempted to convince Finn to stay. He watched, desperately wanting to hear. Why did this matter to him? Why did he hate the way she looked at him, pleading him to stay. Why was it not that he hated the way she was directing her pleas at Finn, but that she was pleading at all. That any pain should come to her seemed to prick at something within him that he’d stifled.

Finn left her and she followed only a few steps before her eyes widened.

_No! No!_

A girl cried out faintly. Ben scanned the scene, no one else noticed her cries. He returned his attention to Rey and saw that she’d turned and was approaching a corridor. Ben thoughtlessly followed her, realizing BB-8 had already left his side to pursue her.

_No! Come back! No!_

She hesitated for a moment before descending the stone stairway. He gave her space, not wanting to pry. He was following the droid, he assured himself.

_Come back!_

Her voice was faint but she was screaming. BB-8 bounced down the stairs and Ben followed close behind him. She stopped and stared down the hall. Something was pulling them both. He heard muffled breathing, almost like breathing through a ventilator, as they walked down the passageway. He swore it was in his ear.

_No!_

She turned a corner and an airlock clicked unlocked. The door opened for her and she entered the chamber. He watched her look around, she was searching for something. The pull was strong and led Rey to a chest. Ben stopped at the entry, fighting the pull. He couldn’t tell what way the Force was attempting to lead him. Dark or Light, he couldn’t sense it. All he could feel was the pull and it frightened him. He’d felt pulls before and they always led to fear, disappointment, anger, darkness. How was she unfazed?

She knelt before the chest and opened the clasps. He almost shouted at her to stop, the Force rang in his ears painfully but she was curious and unafraid. She opened the chest and he watched her wide eyes take in its contents.

“Rey!”

She ignored him and reached in to grasp whatever was inside. The sound of a lightsaber igniting filled the chamber. Rey cried out and slammed the chest shut as the room faded away. They were in the hall of a ship. She looked around and saw him. The electric hum of the lights shrieked in tune with the cry of the young girl. Rey turned from him then and they both made their way down the corridor. Voices rang through their heads _It’s energy…_ but were drowned by the intense blaring of the electrical hum and the girl’s cries. They ran as the walls turned and they were nearly crushed by the rotating room. They lept out and fell to the ground, a fire burning feet away.

The voice continued _...Surrounds us…_ A man screamed in the distance, pained, dying, _...and binds us…_ A hooded figure knelt in the dirt next to a droid, R2-D2. A robotic hand reached out and touched R2 on his crown. His blue light turned a foreboding red as rain poured down from the sky. The familiar sound of a saber igniting blared behind them and they turned to see a red saber pierce through a man poised to strike them.

The man cried out and fell to the earth, splattering them in mud and blood. Ben stood immediately. _The Force will be…_ They stood staring at the six figures before them. He recognized them at once and grabbed his saber, igniting it. The blue color illuminated the dark field of bodies and the Knights of Ren began their approach.

_NO!_ The girl’s cries changed the scene drastically and he was back on Jakku. He turned immediately to see Rey feet away watching as a massive beast of an alien dragged away a small, pleading girl. He knew this girl somehow. Like a distant memory or a dream.

_Come back!_ Ben looked up and saw a familiar vessel fleeing the junk planet. And then, he was on it. He saw Rey and the girl from a small porthole in the back of the ship.

_NO!_ He heard a boy cry. He turned to see himself jump up from a bunk and rush to the porthole. _NO!_ He cried again and watched as his younger self, no older than 16, crumpled to the floor, crying angry tears.

Through the porthole, the sky turned blood red, then black and the ship faded away around him. He saw Rey again and reached out for her. _Rey?_ A voice called. She vanished into the darkness and he was alone in a snowy forest. A foe ran toward him and he ignited his saber only to find it glowing a bright red. The light revealed his attacker to be Rey and she stumbled back before falling onto the floor of where everything began.

_These are your first steps._

Ben’s lightsaber glew blue again and she stared at him in fear. He disengaged and withdrew his weapon, hiding it within his robes.

“What was that? Who are you?” She asked, fear and disbelief in her voice. He saw tears on the edges of her eyes and he leaned down in an attempt to comfort her. She backed away and scrambled to her feet.

“I don’t know.”

“I shouldn’t have gone in there.”

Ben noticed the presence of a small alien, Maz, approaching. He turned to her and she gazed at Rey in wonder.

“That lightsaber,” she began, “was Luke’s. And his father’s before him.” Ben whipped around to look at the chest. The lightsaber. His grandfather’s lightsaber. His uncle’s lightsaber. His birthright. It was here the whole time. His eyes were wide, it hurt to blink. He couldn’t believe it was so close to him now. “And now, it calls to you.”

Ben jerked his head at that. Her? Why would it call to her? It called to him surely, that was why he’d felt that pull. It was the lightsaber that had called to him, dragged him down to this cellar.

“I have to get back to Jakku.” Rey said it almost as a prayer. Ben ignored that. He needed to get that lightsaber. He made his way to the chest and opened it. The weapon stared at him and Ben reached for it. But he stopped. The Force was moving. It wasn’t ready for him. The Force was binding it to someone else. He looked at Rey as she knelt before Maz.

“I am no Jedi,” the orange woman explained, “but I know the Force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes.” He followed her directions. “Feel it. The light, it’s always been there.” It now radiated from Rey. Had it truly, always been there? “It will guide you. The saber. Take it.”

Rey rose quickly, cutting off whatever connection was forming. “I’m never touching that thing again. I don’t want any part of this.” She fled.

Maz turned to Ben and he stared at her. “I’ll take it to her.” He removed the lightsaber from its container and stared at it before locking eyes with Maz again.

Her eyes were full of knowing as she reached out a hand a placed it on his. She took his hand kindly and Ben felt the power of the Force within her. “It is hers, but it is also yours, young Solo.”

“How can that be?”

“Whatever you and that girl share, you are the same. The saber calls to you _and_ to her, equally.”

Ben stared down at his grandfather’s saber. He’d crafted it with such care. “How did you know who I was?”

“You’ve done well to disguise yourself, but,” she smirked at him, “you have your mother’s eyes.”


	6. A Renunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will not apologize for that pun. It's perfect. Let's meet the Knights of Ren!

Ben tucked away his grandfather’s saber and raced after Rey. Her signature was different now. He couldn’t miss it even if he wasn’t searching for her. She left a trail of white thread and he followed it into the dense greenery of the forest. He rushed deeper into the wood after her and BB-8 followed behind. Finally, he found her catching her breath against a stump. He saw the fear in her and wanted desperately to calm her.

“Rey.”

“What are you doing here?” She asked, frustrated, as she turned to him. BB-8 chirped at her, asking why she was running away. Why she left them behind.

“You have to go back.” She replied, shoulders heaving as she caught her breath.

“What will you do?”

“I’m leaving.”

BB-8 whirred at her, stating that he would go with her.

“No, you can’t. You have to go back, you’re too important.” She looked up at Ben. “You both are.”

Ben looked up as the dreadful sound of ion engines roared overhead. A fleet of TIE Fighters, shuttles, and other vessels passed over them toward Maz’s castle. The tell-tale black of the crafts gave their allegiance away. Ben felt Rey’s fear but also her resolve. They had to get back to the _Falcon_. They rushed back toward the castle, wasting no time.

The First Order fired at the fortress, setting it ablaze as stormtroopers began their invasion. A powerful blast toppled the highest tower, which collided with the statue of Maz, pummeling it into the sanctuary below. A dark shuttle rounded the castle and approached them. He knew this craft from nightmares and knew exactly who was aboard. As the shuttle landed in the valley below, its wings retracted and settled in an upright position.

“FN-417, hold position.” The two turned see a stormtrooper in the distance. Rey quickly began pulling out her weapon and attempted to fire until hearing it click.

“Oh, safety.” She fiddled with it hurriedly.

“What are you doing?” He whispered. “They haven’t spotted us.”

A blaster shot between them and they ducked, Rey fired twice, hitting the stormtrooper with the second shot.

She gaped at the blaster and Ben checked her. She’d killed him. It thrilled her and frightened her all at once. BB-8 chirped loudly behind them and she continued to fire at oncoming stormtroopers, hitting them with multiple blasts. They turned to run from one who was exceptionally good at dodging. He fired on them as they fled and Ben deflected a few blasts with his saber. Rey turned and fired, the shot hitting the soldier square in the chest.

 They continued fleeing and the hairs on the back of Ben’s neck pricked up. _They’re here_.

The trio paused in a clearing and Rey turned to Ben, “You have to keep going. Stay out of sight. I’ll try to fight them off.”

“We’re not leaving you.” He looked down at BB-8. “Or at least, I’m not. BB-8, do as she says.” BB-8 didn’t protest and rolled away quickly.

“You have to stay with him. You’re with the Resistance. It’s your mission.”

“I told you. I’m not leaving you.”

She stared at him for a moment and he remembered then that he was still wearing his mask.

“Why are you trying so hard to help me? Who are you, truly?”

Static pulsed at the edge of his senses. He turned and blocked her protectively and held up his saber. She stood with her back to him and held up her blaster. They were surrounded. Beings clad in black had found them and held their varying melee weapons casually as they stared through black helmets.

“We meet at last.” Their leader said through her vocalizer.

Ben clenched his jaw as he glared. The leader approached listlessly.

“And to find that it’s only you. And a scavenger.”

“Leave her be.” Ben snapped. “She has no part in this.”

“Oh, but it seems she does.” Rey tensed behind him as one of the knights used the Force to freeze her in place. “Why else would she be here?” The leader raised a blazing red lightsaber at Ben. “Where’s the droid, Ben?” Her tone, jaunty and cutting, sent a chill down Ben’s spine.

He made no reply but heard Rey squeak in fear behind him. He dared not turn but sensed the knight was assaulting her mind through the Force.

“Stop!” He yelled.

“What do you see?” The leader asked.

The knight brushed her, almost gently and she trembled. “The map.” She said through a vocalizer. “She’s seen it.”

Ben could feel their leader smirk behind her mask.

“Leave her alone.” He growled. The knights began to close in on them.

He heard in their coms, “ _Resistance fighters. We need more troops._ ”

“Pull the division out.” The leader replied. “Come for us. We’re nearly through.” Rey almost crumpled to the ground but Ben turned to hold her in one arm. A knight fired at him and he glanced the blast easily, blocking multiple shots and being careful to protect the girl in his arms.

“You can’t fight _all_ of us, Ben.” The leader advanced toward him, weapon at the ready. “You aren’t strong enough.” Ben grit his teeth and almost snarled at them. “But you could be.”

Ben looked between them all and back down at Rey.

“Skywalker abandoned you. But you are always welcome among us.”

“You slaughtered them all. Like they were nothing.”

“They _were_ nothing. Just like you.”

Ben held tight to Rey. She was completely out, he couldn’t rouse her. Then, he remembered something.

“But you can be more, Ben. You’re the Chosen One. You have the Skywalker blood. You can be the greatest Force-weilder. You could have everything you’ve ever wanted.”

“You don’t know what I want.”

“I know you, Ben. I’ve always known you. Just as _he’s_ always known you.”

Ben swallowed hard. He looked around him, calculating his options. “If I go with you. Will you leave her be?”

The leader lowered her weapon and the rest followed suit. “We will.”

Ben gently lowered Rey to the ground. The knights maintained their circle around him and led him away from her.

Once they were far enough away from Rey, he ignited his grandfather’s lightsaber and his own and pointed them at the leader of the Knights of Ren.

“Oh, Ben. We knew it would come to this. But you know you can’t save her _and_ yourself.” Ben maintained his stare. The leader scoffed. “You always were an impulsive fool.”

A knight sprinted at him with her staff at the ready. Ben sidestepped, allowing the full weight of his attacker to collide with the hilt of his lightsaber. The knight fell back, clutching her gut, and gave way to the next assailant. This next knight came for him at full speed, her club over her head and began to swing down. But Ben kicked up to collide with her wrist, knocking her weapon out of her hand before kicking down on her chest and using his weight to push her to the ground. She crumpled beside her comrade and Ben whipped around to face the next attacker coming at him from the left. As this knight’s massive vibro-cleaver swung at him, Ben crossed his sabers in defense. The knight pushed him backwards and Ben tasted iron on his tongue before finally pushing back with all his might. He sliced the weapon in two and Ben used the knight’s shock to push her back with a mighty Forceful shove.

His foes rose, this time retrieving blasters from under their cloaks. Ben breathed heavily as they locked their blasters on him. The leader stood out from the middle of them.

“That was a nice warm-up.” She mocked and ignited her own red sabers and poised, ready to battle.

Ben breathed in deep and readied himself in a defensive position. The leader struck first. Their sabers clashed in a lightning storm of red and blue. Ben dodged and ducked and kept her at bay while his foe relentlessly swung and hit. The sounds of their battle echoed through the forest and Ben grit his teeth at the hiss of saber meeting flesh. He cried out and backed away, blood pooled in his mouth as he bit into his cheek. He shook and willed the pain in his leg away, spitting blood to the forest floor, before regaining himself. He held his sabers up to attack, crossed the beams, and ran for his attacker who returned with beatings of her own. One sliced across Ben’s abdomen and he stumbled back before falling to his good knee. The leader rushed him and Ben held up a saber protectively.

“You’re so _weak_.” She teased. Her words were like venom even through the static of the vocalizer. “You could have been grand. You could have been the greatest of us! But now look at you. Bowing before us in failure.”

Ben growled and raised his other saber in an attempt to push her back.

“Of course, that’s nothing new for you, is it? You’ve probably grown used to failure at this point.”

Something bubbling in Ben boiled over. He sliced up with all his strength and more, pushing the leader back. With a primal cry he met two oncoming knights with his sabers and pushed them back against the trunks of distant trees. He twirled his sabers expertly and screamed with abandon as he rushed at the three other knights. They shot at him but he swatted the blasts away before he sliced through their weapons in one stroke. He pushed them back through the Force and they fell back like sacks of potatoes. He rounded to face their leader again who pointed a saber at him and Ben stomped the ground, ready to kill.

“Oh, yes.” The knight jibed. “You _are_ capable.”

“I will destroy you!” Ben’s rage was deafening. He felt everything, the Force whipped around him, lashing out at every molecule.

“Then do it.”

Ben twirled his weapons again, readying himself and rushed at his enemy, swinging blindly, savagely. All of his years of training were out the window as he continued assaulting his foe. The sound of a shuttle above broke him from his onslaught.

“So sorry to leave you, Ben. But that’s our ride.” The knights rose and ran to the crest of a hill.

Ben swallowed hard. “We’re not done yet.” The leader turned only slightly and Ben taunted, “You don’t have what you came for.”

“You’re right, Ben. We’re _not_ done yet.” And in a moment, they were gone. Their shuttle retreated and the forest was quiet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took inspiration for this fight from the fight scene in "Zuko Alone" from Avatar, The Last Airbender.  
> I love the idea of dual-wielding as well as an all female Knights of Ren.  
> You can also follow me on Tumblr if you're into that...


	7. The Resistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter was a tad shorter than the others so I've made up for it this time.

Ben blinked and returned to reality. He extinguished the sabers and surveyed the forest, steadying his breath. His wounds stung but he willed the pain from the forefront of his mind. “Rey.” He ran best he could to where he left her and found BB-8 at her side.

He knelt on his good leg beside her and pressed a hand to her head. Her temperature was normal, pulse steady, skin soft and unharmed. He looked at the droid who beeped at him inquisitively. It recognized his pain and booped worriedly at him before Ben let out a sigh and pat him.

“The Resistance is here. Let’s go home.”

BB-8 whirred excitedly as Ben lifted Rey into his arms. He figured the most comfortable way for her would be to rest her head on his chest as one arm cradled her back and the other nestled beneath her knees. As the toll of his fight began to set in and his muscles ached from the strain, he realized how tired he was and rejoiced in knowing that he would be back in a bed soon. Thankfully, Rey was light and pliable. Her head rolled back away from his chest and he did his best to make her comfortable, but each move made him wince and he relinquished the sentiment.

When he arrived at the battleground, Finn ran to him at top speed, “You’re alive! Rey! What happened? Is she hurt?”

“She’s fine. She was knocked out through the Force.” She released a gentle snore and Ben smiled beneath his mask.

“Did she hit her head?” Finn poured attention on them, as though he’d never attempted to leave them behind. As though he truly cared.

His grip on Rey tightened ever so slightly, “I told you, she’s fine.”

“And what about you?” Ben read his energy. He did care, too much. It was always his way. Unfortunately, his caring left him more hurt than loved.

Ben softened his voice, “I’m fine.” He continued on, noting his limp was more noticeable in comparison to Finn’s unhindered strides.

“You look like hell.”

Ben stopped. “Here.” He handed her to her friend with a sigh. She’d probably rather have him carry her anyway. “Get her to the shuttle, find a nurse, just in case.”

“What about you? What happened to you?”

Ben slouched without the impediment, “I said, I’m fine. Get her to the shuttle.” His muscles cried out as they adjusted to their freedom.

Finn inspected him once more and gave in, running Rey onto the vessel. Ben clutched his hand over his abdomen, nearly doubling over. The laceration had cauterized instantly but stung at contact with the air. He’d dealt with worse before. This was nothing, he reminded himself. For some reason, that didn’t help. He rose to his full height and took in a cleansing breath. Attempting to distract himself, he saw Han Solo just outside the shuttle. Ben swallowed as he noticed the old pilot was speaking to his mother. He approached them awkwardly and BB-8 spun quickly ahead of him toward the general.

“BB-8!” She cried. “You’re ok!” The droid whirred and bleeped excitedly. “Boy, do I know someone who’s gonna be happy to see you.”

Han assessed Ben’s masked visage while Leia appraised his wounds. “You look terrible.” She croaked.

“I feel terrible.” He retorted, not breaking eye-contact with his father.

“Come on.” She put her hand as high as she could reach on his expansive back. “We’ll get you to a nurse.”

He addressed his father, “Are you coming with us?”

Leia gave her son a warning look. “So what if he is?”

Ben’s eyes narrowed as he scowled under his mask, “It would just be the first time in a long time.”

“Take off that mask.” His father ordered. “You don’t need it.”

Ben relaxed his frown, and buried a biting retort. Instead, he inquired, “What do you think you’ll see if I do?”

Han stepped forward, near enough to say it low and demanding, “The face of my son.”

He sneered. That wouldn’t do. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction and brushed past him, leaving both his parents behind. He boarded the onramp and retreated to the medbay. The ship took off on his way and he had to hold onto the wall for support. He swore and covered his stomach instinctively, only eliciting a louder swear as the coarse fabric scraped his cut. After the initial sting passed, he moved onward, lightly touching the wall should he lose balance again.

He arrived and saw Finn standing beside a sleeping Rey. The nurse checked her vitals while Ben sat in the bed on the other end of the room. Finn didn’t pay him much attention, focusing all of his concern on Rey.

“She’s fine.” Ben reassured him.

“How do you know?”

“I was there.” Ben laid down on the bunk and rested his head on the pillow.

“I should’ve stayed. I should’ve protected her.” Finn’s apprehension whirled around him like a cyclone and Ben wanted nothing more than for him to leave. He didn’t know how else to say what he’d been saying all along. He knew that the man cared for her, but what else was he supposed to do? They couldn’t change the past. Finn continued, “Who did this to her anyway?”

“The Knights of Ren.”

“The Kni-” Finn cursed under his breath. “So that’s what happened to you?”

The nurse informed them that Rey was fine, if a tad malnourished. She turned her attention to Ben and began her holo assessment as she lowered his bed to her level.

“How did you get away from them?” Finn searched what little of Ben’s face was revealed for some answer. As though the secret to defeating the Knights of Ren lie in his overwhelming eyebrows.

The nurse asked Ben his name, and he replied, “Ben Solo.” He realized his mistake immediately and flushed beneath the mask. Finn’s eyes grew wide and his mouth gaped open. Once the nurse determined Ben was at a manageable height, she began examining the damage.

“You’re Ben Solo? The last Jedi, Ben Solo?”

“I’m not a Jedi.” His jaw twitched and he looked about the room, anywhere but at Finn.

“No,” Finn scoffed, “you just trained like one all your life.”

Ben didn’t respond and instead closed his eyes and let the nurse continue her work.

“This is unbelievable! How could you not tell me?”

“Are you kidding? When I met you, you were barely out of the First Order.”

Ben grimaced as the nurse cleaned the gash on his leg. He bit his tongue at the sting and Finn fell silent. She exiled the ex-stormtrooper as she needed to do more immediate intensive care on the burns. The nurse ripped Ben’s robes and pants to reveal the entirety of his wounds. He averted his gaze, he hated the fascination he had in the darker nature of pain. She covered the burns in bacta but advised him to go to the medical center once they returned to the base. She left to check any other patients and Ben breathed out in relief.

His muscles relaxed and he turned to see Rey’s form lying still on the higher bed to his right. He could feel the Force swirling around under her skin, itching to be set free. Yet with the bubbling energy, her breathing was easy and steady. At least the Knights hadn’t descended her into a nightmare. He hoped that she dreamed of something pleasant, something like when she’d first landed on Takodana. He hoped that she dreamed of things that she liked.

Ben furrowed his brow. He shouldn’t be getting distracted this way. He should be focusing on the next steps towards finding Skywalker. He should be thinking about how best to aid his mother. But then she turned her head in her sleep. Her lips were pink and parted, revealing the sparest glance of her white teeth. She snored and he couldn’t help but snicker. At that, she stirred.

Her expression changed from groggy to confused until her eyes locked with his. Her features hardened at him, almost in fear. “Where am I?”

“You’re safe. We’re headed back to the Resistance.”

Still gaining consciousness, she examined the room and questioned, “Where are the others?”

“Finn left. He’s not supposed to be in here. BB-8, Han, and Chewie are with General Organa. You’ll see them again soon. Don’t worry.”

She turned her head away from him and inhaled. The Force fluttered inside of her and he slowly sat up, wincing at the burn in his stomach. He turned his body to face her, letting his feet plant on the ground. His left eye twitched when he saw her nervousness.

“You still don’t trust me.”

“That happens when you’re alone with a stranger in a mask.” She said it with a curve to the right side of her mouth, but he knew there was a scent of truth in her remark.

He simpered beneath the mask and decided that she was right. How could he expect her to trust him when she didn’t even know who he was? How could he expect her to accept any form of kinship in the Force if he didn’t at least show her that he was just as human as she was?

He crooked his finger around the fabric and simultaneously brushed his other hand back to reveal the full of his countenance. She blinked at him and her expression softened for the sparest of moments. But into what, he wasn’t sure.

He fought back the urge to crumple back onto the bed. It took nearly all of his energy to stay up. But something moved within him. It kept his head high and shoulders straight. Spurred on by the unknown confidence within him, his voice maintained a low, cool tone. “And now?” The question floated from his lips and seemed to graze just past her.

She stared at him and rose to rest on her elbows on the bunk. The angle was awkward and she rose further to sit up, but didn’t stop watching for a moment. Ben gulped as he looked into her eyes. A beat thrummed between them. This was different from their staring contest on Takodana. Or at least, that was what he told himself. But somehow he knew that she felt it was different too. There was the electricity and nervousness they’d felt before. But now, the Force pulsed loudly between them.

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and the confidence he’d felt whispered for him to search her mind. Ah, so that’s where it came from. That faint whisper that haunted him from his earliest days.

A memory from his childhood resurfaced. When he couldn’t find his favored toy, and a playmate had displayed guilt, something told him where to find it. The whisper had guided him, raising his hand and helping him search the child’s mind. He remembered the rush of power in that simple action. The feeling of glee when he saw the answer clearly. Afterward, his playfellow cried and they never played together again, keeping quiet about the incident. Ben didn’t care. People were always leaving. He had his toy, and the whisper in his heart praised him for his strength and ability. It always delighted in his darker pretenses.

The whisper prodded him again. He knew better than to listen. But there was something hidden in the recesses of her mind and he had to know the truth. What was that vision he’d shared with her? How did he know Rey? Why couldn’t he remember? She knew. She had to know. It was calling to him behind those eyes. His hand extended toward her.

He sunk into her mind. It was easy, like he’d done it a thousand times. Electricity surged between them. Her breath hitched in her throat in reaction to the sensation. He felt her anxiety. She was afraid, but also curious. She winced as he buried deeper and his lip trembled before he attempted to comfort her, “Don’t be afraid, I feel it too.”

He plunged deeper and the girl before him gave way to a child, seated outside a nearly buried AT-AT, staring out at the sunset, eating a meal alone. “You’re so lonely.” He muttered. He watched her pull away from kind strangers who offered her refuge or safe travel to another planet. “So afraid to leave.” He saw her as an adolescent, twisting about in her makeshift bed, “At night…” He saw the tears in her eyes as she stared at a wall of markings she’d made chronicling her days, “desperate to sleep.”

Ben prodded deeper, reveling in the strength of searching her mind. It exhilarated him, feeling her barely resist his investigation. As he dug deeper, he felt waves envelop him. “You imagine an ocean.” He came up for air, “I see it. I see the island.” How did she know what islands were? What they looked like? Where did she come from? The answer would be there, if he kept digging.

He was close to what he sought. It was buried deep and he forced himself further before slamming into a wall. He breathed in sharply, furrowing his brow. The force that bolstered him shuddered and ground its teeth, attempting one more time. It was impenetrable. The whisper quieted in his mind. Rey shifted and his confidence suddenly waned. The whisper chuckled and left him alone staring into her eyes as they hardened. She scrunched her nose and her jaw set in effort. Ben retreated, leaving a vacuum which she filled and followed him, flooding his mind. He watched her, horrified.

“You…” She chewed. “You’re afraid…” She burrowed into his thoughts and memories. It was frightening and intoxicating. No one had done this to him before. He didn’t think it was possible. He breathed shakily as she set on one thread in particular. She clung to it and sank her teeth into the memory, “That you’ll turn to the Dark Side like Darth Vader.”

He retched his hand away from her and the connection severed. They were both shaking and sweating. She swallowed heaps of air while Ben attempted to keep his cool. His shoulders quaked as he caught his breath.

“What was that?” Her voice was muffled as the Force pulsed in his ears.

He ran a hand through his hair and shivered, shaking off the last traces of the being that infiltrated him. “I don’t know.”

“What’s happening to me?”

He rose his gaze to find her teary-eyed. “Rey, no. Please.” He stood quickly but his knees buckled as pain surged through him. He cried out and clung to the bunk as he fell to one knee.

“You’re hurt!”

He attempted to stand but stopped when her hand touched his shoulder. He looked up and saw genuine concern in her eyes. Her fear gone, all she radiated now was protection. He blinked in disbelief, how had he never noticed the honesty in those eyes? She turned her attention to her task and took his arm hesitantly. Her hand was small in comparison but her strength surprised him. She helped him to his feet and sat him down on the bed, keeping her hand on him to hold him steady. Rey studied him and he slumped his head down to avoid her eyes. It didn’t matter. He felt her eyes roving over him, lingering on his wounds.

“What happened?”

He responded low, not letting her see or hear the pain in his voice, “It’s nothing.”

Rey didn’t push him further in that respect. She rubbed his shoulder tentatively, “What’s your name again? Your real name?”

He bit the inside of his cheek and winced. It was still tender from his fight. Blood pumped in his ears, thundering with the sound of breath moving in and out of him. He clenched and relaxed his jaw before replying, “Ben.” He’d barely heard himself say it.

“Ben.” She said it with a lilt in her voice and the storm in his head ceased. He held his breath and his heart stopped, the kindness that peaked on the edge of her mouth soothed him better than the bacta. Ben stared up at her and the blood began to pump again. His hair shifted back to allow him to see more of her. She smiled shyly at him and his heart beat faster. Her eyes glinted as she glanced from his eyes to something on his face and back. The way she focused made his face grow hot. Those eyes were a complicated hue, not dark or light, somewhere in between. Darkness like the dunes in the twilight of Jakku, but a twinge of green like the forests of Naboo. He became hyper-aware of her hand on his shoulder and just how close they’d become. The Force moved between them, seeking something. Whatever was pulling him closer to her, it tempted him.

He turned away from her. “I should rest.”

“Of course.” She removed her hand and stepped away from him.

Ben reclined on the bed as Rey moved to leave. He felt a twinge of rejection on her and amended, “I can help you, though. When we get there.” He watched her eyebrows move together in intrigue.

“Help me?”

“Use the Force. It’s strong with you.”

Her brows relaxed as she seemed to think on it and her mouth twitched at the edge almost into a smile. “Get some rest, Ben.”

Once she was gone, Ben thought of that trace of joy. He thought more on the idea that she would eagerly learn the ways he was taught. She was clever, clever enough to escape a TIE-fighter more than once. Gifted and talented, but willing to work hard, he saw that in her memories. Rey would pick up the techniques with ease. She was built for fighting and was used to it. Now all he needed to do was teach her to let the Force move through her. He closed his eyes and thought about her hand on his shoulder and the soothing gentle fire in her eyes. These thoughts and more lulled him into a dreamy sleep.

* * *

He woke not much later to the movement of his bed. The nurse was attempting to roll him out of the medbay but he stopped her, opting to walk his way to the medical center on the base. The minute he stepped out of the medbay, he nearly toppled over Finn and Rey.

“Ah. So you really are Ben Solo.” Finn bemused as he appraised Ben’s face. “Feeling better?”

“Yes.” He rolled his shoulders back to stand properly and turned to exit the shuttle.

“Good enough for me to bug you about lying to us?”

“No.” They flanked behind him as he made his way through the shuttle.

“Ok, but why did you keep it a secret? Why didn’t you say anything to Han? Does he even know you’re here?”

“We don’t have the best relationship. I thought he might not help us if he saw me on _his_ ship.”

Rey chimed in, “You really think so little of your own father?”

Ben stopped and turned to her. The walk alone had winded him and he leaned against the wall for balance. “When I was 16, he took me on a trip. It didn’t go well and he tried to return me to the Jedi temple. But when we got there, everything was destroyed and Luke had fled. My mother was there to meet me and I went with her. I hadn’t seen him since.”

“What happened?” Finn asked him.

“I just told you.”

Finn tsked loudly and crossed his arms. “No, on the trip. Why didn’t it go well?”

“Why does that matter?”

Finn shrugged, “I don’t know. Why does any of this matter? I didn’t leave the First Order to join the Resistance. We don’t want any part of this!”

“ _We_?” Ben turned his attention to Rey who looked at the ground. “Oh, I see.” He stood straight again and turned to leave, “We’ll get you a transport to the nearest planet.” He peered over his shoulder at them as they followed, “You can disappear there.”

“Look, it’s not-”

“You don’t have to explain yourselves to me. You’re right! This isn’t your fight. You shouldn’t risk your lives for people you don’t know and don’t care about.”

Rey attempted to intervene, “That’s not-”

He whirled around and faced her, incapable of quelling his fury, “Maybe you can join Han Solo like you’ve always dreamed! Leave the cause behind and waste your potential on garbage!”

Rey’s hand smacked across his cheek, leaving a light pain that stung across his face, forcing his head to the side. It almost unbalanced him for sheer surprise and he staggered. He gaped at Rey to see her small finger pointed at him in contempt. Her lips were puckered tightly and her brows dramatically met in the center as she glared at him.

He heard a brief gasp and turned his attention to the source to see his mother, father, and Chewie staring at them. His mother had a twinge of fear, while his father was doing his best to mask his mirth. Ben looked back down at Rey.

“You don’t get to talk to us like that.” Rey continued. “We didn’t ask to be a part of this. We didn’t-”

“Did you SLAP ME?” Ben’s mouth contorted in dissatisfaction and anger and disgust and something else that he couldn’t explain.

“What else was I supposed to do? You called us garbage!”

“That’s not what I said at all!”

“Don’t talk down to me, I’m not afraid to slap you again!”

Snickers and outright laughter burst from the surrounding crew, who had stopped their work to watch the show. “I wasn’t!”

“Ben!” His mother called and they all turned their attention to her. She looked at him, a familiar expression of _stand down_.

Ben huffed and looked down at Rey and Finn. He tensed his jaw and relaxed it, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. “I’m sorry for what I said.”

The crew around them began to bustle again and the air returned to its lively state. Rey locked eyes with him and he felt especially ashamed for having acted that way. He avoided her eyes opting instead to study the durasteel floor.

“I know.” She said and he could almost feel her smirk.

Ben eyed where his mother and father had stood to see they’d left. “Come on. I’ll get you to a transport.”

As they exited the ship, Ben felt something familiar. It led him to smirk the moment his feet touched the solid earth of D’Qar. He looked at Finn, lip curved in premier smugness. Finn pouted in confusion before he gazed out to where Ben had been staring.

Ben leaned toward him, both their eyes set on the pilot exiting a black-marked X-Wing. “I’m not so sure you’ll want to leave just yet.”

 


	8. How A Plan Gets Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Rey decide to stay, or rather, they don’t have much of a choice! Things start picking up and Ben does his best to keep his cool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for not updating last week. I was helping to lead a local con and lost track of time! You’ll be happy to know, though, that my husband and I portrayed our poor star-crossed lovers. Please enjoy this chapter.

Poe Dameron removed his helmet after exiting the X-Wing. His hair, black as the grease that stained his jumpsuit, tousled about and made him all the more charming. 

BB-8 rushed past them all, rolling as fast as his mechanisms allowed. Poe spoke with a mechanic briefly before noticing the approaching droid. He knelt down and the biggest grin Ben had ever seen exaggerated the creases in the pilot’s face.

He rustled the droid as if it were a pet and the droid wiggled and lit up under his attention. BB-8 looked back to the group and Poe followed his line of sight to see Finn who rushed and called to him. He couldn’t care less about the other Resistance members that stared at him in confusion. The pilot smiled and laughed as he too began to run at his friend.

Finn was in a full sprint when they embraced in the middle of the airstrip. Ben saw Rey smile at the two of them and he smiled to himself. He always teased and criticized strong-willed, level-headed people who fell in love and lost their heads. But seeing the two of them hold each other amongst the madness, he couldn’t feel any bitterness or cynicism.

Ben saw for a moment that Finn almost removed Poe’s jacket. But being the gallant pilot that he was, Poe stopped him and Finn readjusted  _ his _ jacket. Ben scoffed lightly and rolled his eyes with a smile.

“Shouldn’t we get you to a nurse?” Rey asked looking him up and down.

“I’m fine.” It was a half-truth. The bacta had done well to alleviate the pain, but he did need stitching and more bacta as the fresh air tickled his raw flesh. “And I kind of want to see if Finn even remembers us.” Rey’s smile turned into a half-smirk and he felt shy again when she laughed. He returned his attention to them just in time to see them end their joyous reunion.

Finn and Poe, with BB-8 in tow, returned to where Ben and Rey stood. Finn began to ask, “Poe, do you know - not Matt - Ben?”

“Yeah, Ben Solo.” They shook hands familiarly. “One of the closest things we’ve got to a Jedi. Good to see you.”

“Oh. Well, you haven’t met Rey.” Rey smiled at the pilot and shook his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you.” He said with a perfect smile. “Where are you from?”

“Jakku. Basically, nowhere.”

“I like that. Welcome to the Resistance.”

Ben decided he’d pretended for long enough, “I’d better get to the medical center.” He made a small bow and dismissed himself.

He overheard Poe ask them, “What happened?”

Finn replied, “The Knights of Ren.”

“Again?”

“Again?!” Rey and Finn asked incredulously.

The last thing he heard was Poe chuckle and say, “Yeah, we’d better catch you up.”

On his way to the medical center, Ben spotted Han Solo following his mother into the situation room. He pushed those worries from his mind. His mother could handle herself.

* * *

As the nurses and bots cleaned and stitched his wounds, he had ample time to think of his next moves. His mother would have the map to lead them to Skywalker, they would travel to his location and convince him to join them in defeating the First Order. But how? One, how would they convince him? And two, once they convinced him, then what? They show up and fight the First Order with all of their resources and storm into Snoke’s chambers? No, that certainly wouldn’t be the way to win. It was impossible and idiotic. His mother had a better plan than that, he assured himself.

And what of Rey? How did she play into all of this? She found his grandfather’s saber and could suddenly use the Force? Thinking of it, he moved his fingers slowly to graze the hilt of the saber. The recent image of Rey smiling flashed in his mind and he heard his heartbeat quicken on the scanner.

The bots finished their stitchings and floated away. Ben cautiously sat up, feeling hardly any pain in his abdomen. He sighed at the sight of the slashes in his robe and decided he needed to change. 

He returned to his quarters and opened the closet doors to find only one set remaining. He sighed at them. For one thing, Jedi couldn’t waste energy on vanity and limited their wardrobes to coarse, simple attire. But there was also the fact that the rest of Ben’s clothes were still on his mother’s ship, waiting to be returned to his room. Thus, the only robes left were his nicest set, the ones he reserved for meetings with the Republic or royals. He changed into the white tunic and tabard, reminiscent of his uncle and master. He shrugged on the brown cloak, a staple of the Jedi to remind them of humility. His last touch elicited a grimace as he tightened the leather belt around his waist into his wound. Ben loosened his belt and sash and instead tightened them higher on his waist than was the custom. He checked the mirror quickly and frowned at himself. What did he care how he looked? An image of Rey smiling on seeing him in his nicest robes flashed in his mind and he spent a second more pushing his hair out of his face. It didn’t do much good and he gave up with a huff, opting instead to hurry to the situation room and rejoin his mother.

He hurried through the halls and brushed past several pilots and soldiers, ignoring their stares and whispers. On arriving, he felt the tension before he even entered the room. The thoughts and worries of the various generals and officers assaulted his mind and he did his best to stifle them. He entered the room and all eyes turned toward him.

“Ben.” His mother croaked.

“What’s going on?”

“The map.” She bowed her head, “It’s incomplete. It’s useless.”

Ben’s jaw clenched and he glared at the map on the screen. It couldn’t have been for nothing. He approached it and searched the stars, looking for any clue.

C-3PO piped up, “It matches no charted system on record.”

“I can see that.” Ben studied it further then allowed his eyes to relax and focus on something beyond the screen. Something called to him and he gazed at the object ahead. He walked around the screen and followed the way the Force was pulling him. 

R2-D2 laid dormant before him and Ben remembered the vision he’d shared with Rey. He turned around and locked eyes with his father.

“Where’s Rey?”

“The hell if I kno-”

“Find her.”

“Look, if yo-”

“Now.”

Han’s jaw set in a scowl but he turned, leaving the rest of them to stare at him quizzically.

“Who’s Rey?” His mother asked.

“I’ve been wondering the same thing since I met her.” Ben approached his mother and the other officers. “I think she’s important.”

“How so?” Admiral Statura, a logical leader of the Resistance, asked guardedly.

“She can use the Force unlike anyone I’ve ever seen.”

“How is that possible?” His mother asked among the mumbles and whispers.

“If she’s a Force-weilder, where has she been all this time?” General Ackbar questioned.

“You think Luke found every single Force-sensitive child out there?” Ben could almost taste their skepticism. It oozed from them and made him sick. They had no inkling of the power she held.

“Clearly, he’s lost his head for her.” Major Ematt accused.

Ben barked back, “She is strong with the Force! Untrained but stronger than she knows.”

“Ben!” His mother chided, gripping his arm. He backed down but continued to glare about the room. He felt their mistrust, their fear, it fed his own and he bit down on his tongue to keep it in check.

Han returned with Rey, Finn, Poe, and BB-8, “I couldn’t shake them. Do they all need to be here?”

“Rey, come with me.”

She followed him to the forgotten droid. He ignored the stares and mumbles, focusing in on Rey’s energy. She recovered from her running and stared at R2-D2.

“Do you remember this?” He swept over her thoughts, only touching briefly on the shared memory of the vision.

“What is it?” Her eyes gleamed.

“It’s a droid. Do you remember it?”

“I- I’m not sure. Somehow.” She looked behind her and Ben noticed the twinge of embarrassment in her. 

He looked at the group of officials and set his jaw. “Can we have the room please?”

They trickled out until the only few that remained were Han, his mother, and Rey’s companions. Ben gave his mother a look and she nodded.

“Let’s give them a minute, shall we?” She grasped Han by the arm, who in turn led everyone else out.

Ben refocused on Rey to see her glaring at him defiantly. “What is all this about?”

“You tell me. Why do you think this droid was in our vision?” He searched her eyes, she was conflicted, afraid. He recognized it too well.

“Why are you asking me? How would I know?” She stared at the droid, scanning it for something.

He stepped closer to her and lowered his voice. “I just want answers.”

The attempt at comfort backfired and she shot off, “So do I! I never wanted any part of this!” She stomped away from him, making her way to the door. 

“Why do you keep saying that? You know that’s not true.” She stopped near the screen that displayed the unfinished map. “You know you were meant for more than just scavenging.” She didn’t turn to him but instead searched the stars for Luke Skywalker. “Do you think it was chance that brought us together? Do you think it was luck that BB-8 found you?”

Her posture tensed and he sensed the anxiety coiling in her belly and choking the words in her throat. He felt every inch of her skin trembling. Her pores sealed shut as a chill ran down her spine. Tears began to make their way through her and teetered on the edge of her eyelids. Her emotions careened through her, seeking release, comfort, balance. The conflict within her called to him and he could do nothing but answer.

He approached her one slow step at a time. “There’s no such thing. There's no chance, no luck, just the Force.”

Her shoulders shook. He stood inches from her but she didn’t recoil. Instead, she seemed eased at his presence.  _ That _ , he wasn’t used to. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and searching. There was immense loneliness but also unbridled strength within them. And below them, tender, parted lips, forming an incoherent syllable. Confusion and fear gave way to something else. The tears stilled in her eyes, save for one that rained down her cheek and past her chin. He’d felt it. That single tear was more than he’d felt in years. Her breath was heavy and wet as she recovered. All sound seemed muted as he held her gaze. The only thing that remained was the sharp inhale and exhale that moved in tandem between them. 

“The Force.” She repeated it like a prayer. A new prayer, from a new religion, but one that she knew and understood in a past life. Her stare relaxed and flitted to another part of Ben’s face. She moved closer and he was drawn in as well, but to where, he did not know.

The door opened and his mother strode in. Ben’s mouth twitched as heat rose to his cheeks and he stepped away from Rey. He looked at his mother and back at the map.

“There’s nothing we can do right now.” Ben spoke coolly, spreading a salve over the heat surging through him. “But we have another problem.”

His mother nodded, “Starkiller.”

* * *

The new members of the Resistance joined the reigning tacticians around the table that projected the landscape of Starkiller Base.

Snap, a large agent with a thick beard and dark curls, reported, “They’ve somehow created a hyper light speed weapon built within the planet itself.”

Major Brance, a young but pessimistic official begged the question, “A laser cannon?”

“We’re not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale.”

“It’s another Death Star.” Major Ematt gazed at the table. His silver brows knit together. Years of working with the Rebels in the Galactic Civil War made him a veteran amongst the new Resistance. His ivory mane and beard set him apart from most of the round, starry-eyed Resistance members. He knew the capabilities of this danger.

“I wish that were the case, Major.” Poe responded and changed the display to show the Death Star on the screen. “This was the Death Star.” They all stared as the menacing orb glowed and rotated, taunting its onlookers. Poe then adjusted the display again and the Death Star shrank to give way to the true scale of Starkiller. The planet made the ancient weapon appear as a moon orbiting it. “And  _ this _ is Starkiller Base.”

Murmurs, whispers, and stifled wails flooded Ben’s senses and the fear surging through the room nearly deafened him. He breathed in deeply and scanned the area, locking eyes with his mother on the other side of the screen. She mirrored his own apprehension.

“So, it’s big.” Han dismissed.

Admiral Ackbar, another veteran but as a Mon Calamari was graced with a longer lifespan. He brought years more experience than Ematt as he’d seen at least three wars, the Clone Wars, the Galactic Civil War, and now whatever they’d call their current war. If anyone knew what to do in times of crises, it was Ackbar. He interrupted the scrambling of the Resistance, “How is it possible to power a weapon of this size?” His large eyes studied the room.

Finn stepped in, “It uses the power of the sun. As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears.”

A young tactician handed General Organa a datacard. She scanned it and Ben felt her heart sink. She announced, “The First Order: they’re charging the weapon again, now. Our system is the next target.” The Resistance began to panic.

C-3PO looked to his mistress, “Oh my. Without the Republic fleet, we’re doomed.”

“Ok, how do we blow it up?” Han quandered. “There’s always a way to do that.”

“Han’s right.” His mother asserted.

They all stared at her until Admiral Statura began to think out loud, “In order for that amount of power to be contained, that base would need some kind of thermal oscillator.”

Finn immediately responded, “There is one.” Everyone watched him as he maneuvered his way around the table and pointed to a small hexagon on the projection. “Precinct 47. Here.”

“If we can destroy that oscillator...” Statura began to move around the table to view the specific point. He thought with his hands and mulled over his next sentence carefully, “it might de-stabilize the core and cripple the weapon.”

“Maybe the planet.” Major Ematt added.

Poe’s spirits lifted and he attempted to have everyone join in. Ben could feel the confidence emanating from him and spreading through the room. “We’ll go in there and we’ll hit that oscillator with everything we got.”

“They have defensive shields that our ships cannot penetrate.” Admiral Ackbar amended.

“We disable the shields.” Han looked to Finn, “Kid, you worked there, whad’ya got?”

Finn looked around the room. Ben felt his anxiety. He had no idea what to do. It was as though time stood still. Ben saw everyone counting on Finn. He saw the hope in his mother’s eyes, the confidence in his father’s countenance and the resolve in his features, features that were like a mirror of his own in some ways. He saw Poe and the rest of the Resistance filled with hopelessness but a persistence that would not let them be defeated. Finally, he saw Rey. She looked at Finn with assurance. This wasn’t their fight, but they were a part of this now. The galaxy had brought them to this point and they couldn’t run away.

“We can do it.” Ben said. The eyes of the Resistance turned on him and he stood firm on his words. 

“We’d have to be on the planet.” Finn attempted to change Ben’s mind.

“We’ll get you there.” Han nodded to his son, beaming with something he hadn’t recognized in a long time.

“Han, how?” His mother exacerbated.

“If I told you, you wouldn’t like it.”

Ben smirked. This was what he’d been missing.

Poe and Han looked to each other and the younger pilot said, “So we disable the shields, take out the oscillator, and we blow up their big gun.” Before anyone could object, Poe rallied the troops, “All right. Let’s go!”

The company split into factions, Poe and BB-8 led the pilots to their crafts, General Organa led the officials to the ground level of the base, while Ben, Finn, and Rey followed Han and Chewie back to the  _ Falcon _ . The crew set about supplying the craft with weapons and other supplies.

The weapons team fashioned Finn and Rey with blasters and bags of ammo. They gave nothing to Ben. They knew he preferred his methods. The three rushed to the  _ Falcon _ , Poe and Finn shared a meaningful look as they crossed paths. Finn watched Poe for a moment longer before returning to the task at hand. 

They set to work, Han barked orders at them to pack the ship to the brim with everything they might need. And for a mission so bold, they might just need everything. Han prepared the ship from the base’s control module, ensuring there was enough fuel and power to get them to Starkiller in the old rustbucket.

On finishing the final preparations, Ben assisted Chewie in lifting the heavier crates. Rey was onboard, fiddling with the controls and Finn managed the explosives. He soon felt his mother approaching and almost went to bid her goodbye but stopped at the top of the on-ramp.

Ben watched Han embrace his wife for the first time since he’d left them where everything fell apart. Ben swallowed and the annoying muscle below his left eye twitched. He blinked back whatever was forming in his eyes. Joy and relief, blended with frustration and jealousy. He almost looked away when she met his stare and he saw her mouth, “Bring him home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to stop by on tumblr. @boringusername2015


	9. Infiltration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The motley crew makes it to Starkiller mostly in tact. They find a way to disable the shields and Rey accesses a new aspect of her powers.

He didn’t bid his mother goodbye. At least, not in the way that he usually did. He couldn’t after the way his father had held her, full of romance and adoration. Even at his distance from it, the feeling of it left him sick. He sent her a farewell through the Force, a gentle hand on her shoulder. He felt her hand brush his as he set the coordinates for Starkiller.

Finn and Rey joined him in the cockpit and Rey asked, “Did Han say you could mess with his ship?”

Ben scoffed. He glanced back to see the serious inquisition in her eyes. He sighed, “It’s fine. I’ve piloted before.”

“Yes, but this is the  _ Millennium Falcon _ . It’s practically his  _ child _ !”

Ben locked eyes with her as he put in the last digit and she realized her mistake. She colored a tender pink and attempted a quick recovery. Lucky for her, Han and Chewie entered just in time.

“Whad’you think you’re doing?” Han asked, glaring at Ben.

Chewie grumbled something about  _ old man _ .

“I put in the coordinates for Starkiller. We’re ready now.” Ben stood aside to let his father sit down in the pilot’s chair.

“It’s too cramped in here.” Han fussed as he squeezed by Ben to sit in his seat. Ben said nothing and moved further away to allow Chewie to slide into his chair. Once they were situated, Han began fiddling with the controls, double-checking Ben’s work.

“I have done this before.” Ben explained. “You don’t need to check it.”

“It’s my ship. I have a system.”

Rey peered over Han’s shoulder, logging every step into her memory. Ben chewed on the inside of his cheek. She smiled wide and Ben turned from her to see Finn had also risen to watch as the pilots finished preparing their course.

“Alright, here we go.” Han leaned on the accelerator and pushed the _ Falcon _ forward and up into the air. In seconds, the sky and stars blurred away, illuminating the space in the bright blue glow of lightspeed. Ben felt Rey’s adrenaline begin to kick in as they sped through the expanse of the galaxy. He spared a glance at her and caught a glimpse of her toothy grin.

“How are we getting in?” Finn asked.

“Their shields have a fractional refresh rate.” Han replied. “Keeps anything traveling slower than lightspeed from getting through.”

They all came to the realization at once but it was Rey who questioned with a mad thrill, “We’re going to make our landing at lightspeed?!”

Chewie growled a mighty,  _ Hell yeah! _

“What?” Finn cried.

“No.” Ben glowerd down at his father. “You can’t, that’s insane.”

“Alright, Chewie, get ready.”

“Han, no!” Ben attempted to reach out to stop his father but Han pushed him back.

“Siddown and hold tight!”

Ben looked about for a place to sit when he noticed Finn and Rey in the seats behind the pilots. Finn shrugged and Rey smirked at him. Ben rolled his eyes and turned around again facing the windshield. He clung to the pilot chairs and felt the exhilaration flow through Rey behind him. He looked back to see her smile, all teeth, at the passing of space around them. 

“And… Now!” The thrusters fired as the  _ Falcon _ jumped from lightspeed to reveal a mountain. The panic in everyone’s minds nearly blinded Ben but his father took control, guiding the freighter higher and higher, barely missing the peak.

Chewie growled at Han to  _ pull up _ to which he replied, “I  _ am _ pulling up!”

Not enough though, as the ship crashed through a forest at the crest of a mountain. The force of the crash separated Ben from the backs of the pilot seats. He hit the ceiling of the cockpit and slammed back down into the lap of an unprepared ex-stormtrooper. Finn hooked an arm around Ben to keep him from flying forward. Ben in turn clasped both hands onto the headrest behind them as the  _ Falcon _ shook and bounced through the forest.

Alarms blared through the ship and Rey cried, “Pull up!” in time with Chewie’s growl of the same command.

“I get any higher, they’ll see us!” Han roared over the discord.

With one final burst, the crew was free from the forest. They soared through the air, unaided by the accelerators, until they collided with the terrain below and slid across the snow. They gained speed until they finally ground to a halt on the edge of a cliff. The ship creaked and moaned as it settled into place.

They all caught their breath and Han looked from his seat to see Ben and Finn clinging to one another. “Well, glad to see you’re making friends, Ben.”

Finn untangled himself as Ben huffed and stood upright. He pushed back the hair that had rustled in front of his face and scowled, “Are you insane?!”

“Ah, get your head out of your ass. We made it, didn’t we?” Han stood casually and began to power down the ship.

“You could’ve gotten us killed!” Ben pretended not to see the coy simper that danced at the edge of Rey’s lips.

“We weren’t gonna die.”

“How could yo-” Ben seethed, pushing the anger into his stomach. His cheeks were red and he locked eyes with Finn who looked away immediately. Ben growled and forced his hands back over his scalp and whirled away, “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Now that’s more like it!” Han cheered.

The crew exited the  _ Falcon _ and Ben braced himself as the wind billowed past them. The crisp air charged his senses and he felt the ever-present loom of the Dark Side. It hung around him and intended to overwhelm him. A familiar prickle up his spine reminded him of the sway of the Dark Side and the power of its current master. He breathed out shakily, to keep it at bay. He saw Rey watching him and he moved forward.

They crossed the tundra, holding tight to their gear, and arrived at a structure. They stuck close to the walls of the building, keeping an eye out for any scouts. Finn and Han looked around the corner of it to see the entirety of the base. Finn instructed the rest of the crew, “The flooding tunnels are over that ridge. We’ll get in that way.”

“What was your job when you were based here?” Han asked.

“Sanitation.” Ben felt his father’s irritability mount. He grabbed the nape of Finn’s jacket and spun him around, pressing him into the wall. Finn’s fear rose in the face of Han’s fury.

“Sanitation?”

Chewie grunted a Wookie swear. Something Han would’ve admonished him for saying around Ben in his youth.

“Then how do you know how to disable the shields?”

“I never said I knew that!” It was true. This had all been Ben’s idea. He began to have his doubts.

“People are counting on us! The galaxy is counting on us!”

“We’ll figure it out.” Ben interrupted. He received a look from Han that reminded him that this man was as much his father as he was a pilot. He felt his throat begin to close up in regret at having even gotten involved in the conversation at all.

“We’ll use the Force!” Rey interjected.

“That’s not how the Force works!” Han was red in the face more from rage than the blistering winds.

Chewie groaned from his position as lookout.

“Oh really? You’re cold?”

“Come on!” Finn led the charge toward the flooding tunnels.They passed unseen through them and Finn led them deeper into the base. Finally, they arrived at a door and Finn looked back at them.

“You know how to open it?” Han asked.

“Yeah, but,” he hesitated, “there’s probably someone on the other side.”

Chewie growled a  _ so? _ and readied his bowcaster. Finn moved aside as the door of the transport compartment opened to reveal a single stormtrooper.

“Hey!” He searched for his blaster until Chewie shot him point-blank. The soldier flew back and hit the wall, dead.

The crew entered the base and Han grumbled, “The longer we’re here, less luck we’re gonna have. The shields?”

“I have an idea about that.” Finn led them again down a corridor. 

Before long, a pair of stormtroopers rounded a corner. Han and Chewie raised their weapons but stopped when they noticed the soldiers freeze in place. They had reacted slowly enough that Ben had reached out his hand to keep them still.

“You forgot to clock in.” Ben commanded, steady, implanting the thought in their minds.

The stormtroopers relaxed and lowered their barely drawn weapons. They said in unison, calm, without inflection, “I forgot to clock in.” They turned around and left the way they came.

“What was that?” Finn asked.

“Force stuff.” Han huffed and continued down the hall. Chewie and Finn followed close behind while Rey lingered a moment.

“How did you do it?” She inquired with a small grin and curious eyes.

Ben shrugged. “It’s not easily done. You’d have to train for years to master it.”

“Try me.” Rey smirked. He gave her a smug look in return as he kept walking. She kept her eyes on him and he felt the color rise to his cheeks under her attention.

Then he felt someone approaching, “Alright, someone is in that hall.” Ben pointed to an upcoming corridor to their right. He looked at Rey, “Now I’m going to remind them to check the last corridor. They forgot to make sure the door was locked.”

“What door?”

“It doesn’t matter. That thought alone will be enough.”

With a wave of his pointer and middle finger, the officer turned around to check the door in the previous hallway. As they passed, Rey saw him leaving and looked at Ben astonished.

“Can I do that?” She gaped at him with the thrill he’d seen in her earlier. Ben raised an eyebrow at her but kept moving. She smiled widely at him and he saw the possibilities fluttering through her.

“With years of practice, yes.” They meandered further through the halls, passing doors and more passageways. Ben attempted to keep his thoughts in check, but couldn’t help being distracted by the scavenger as she looked between him and the group ahead of them.

As they approached another corridor, someone rounded the corner toward them and nearly screamed before Ben reached out his hand to stall her. The janitor stood frozen in place, eyes wide at the crew in front of her. Ben felt a chill up his spine, as if someone had caressed the nape of his neck. Was it the Knights of Ren? No, this was something different. Something not searching, but rather, pressing on his energy. He looked to Rey whose eyes were closed, concentrating. The press on him increased into a grip around his soul. His own power was being used by someone else. It wasn’t taken from him, but shared. The janitor relaxed and her eyes half closed. Ben stared at Rey as she lifted her hand and whispered indifferently, “You will turn from here and return to your room.” 

With a determined movement of Rey’s fingers that mirrored Ben’s, the janitor stood straight and mimicked, “I will turn from here and return to my room.” She did as she said and the two watched her walk away.

Rey looked up into his eyes. He probably frightened her with the look of sheer amazement. “How-?” He stopped at the sound of a scuffle ahead of them. Finn and Chewie had rammed a shimmering stormtrooper into a wall. Finn pointed his blaster at the chrome soldier and Ben immediately recognized this one from battles. He only saw brief glances, heard hushed and frightened rumors. 

Captain Phasma was about the same height as Ben and dwarfed her captor. Nonetheless, she remained motionless with a gun and bowcaster aimed at her head.

“Remember me?” Finn asked, enjoying this a little too much.

“FN-2187.” She responded coolly through her vocalizer.

“Not anymore. The name’s Finn, and I’m in charge. I’m in charge now, Phasma. I’m in charge!”

“Bring it down.” Han attempted to settle him. “Bring it down.”

Finn relaxed and looked about as he noticed their precarious position at the nexus of three corridors. “Follow me.” He instructed Phasma.

The group followed Finn as he and Chewie marched their prisoner to the control bay. Finn, Chewie, and their prisoner rushed into the space, but Han faced Ben and Rey behind him.

“You two stand guard.” Han ordered. He looked Rey in the eye, “Keep an eye on him.”

She smiled and stood at the ready, as Han rejoined his crew. Ben looked at Rey and felt how energy pumped violently in her veins. She was something to behold as she clung to her blaster. The Force hummed low and steady between them. He maintained a calm that balanced her ferocity and he couldn’t help but smirk.

“Calm down.” He whispered.

“What?” Rey blinked at him.

“You need to stay calm. You won’t be able to focus if you aren’t calm.” She looked at him bewildered. He realized he’d grown used to the creases in her brow and thoroughly enjoyed the way her consternation always contorted her features.

“How can you be calm at a time like this?” She said it with accusation in her voice, as though he were the one with the Force whipping around him, searching for whatever foe may come their way. She had no idea of the effect she had on her surroundings.

“I have to be.” Ben looked around the corner to ensure no unexpected visitors were approaching.

“Well maybe you do, but I  _ don’t _ .”

He sighed, “Do you want to access your powers or not?”

“I don’t know!” She held tight to her blaster, as though it would protect her or provide some comfort. She locked eyes with him again and stared. There was conflict within her, swirling around, unsure and afraid. It drove him mad.

He bent lower to her and began to close the space between them. “How can you go back and forth on this? Make a decision, Rey!”

She stepped forward, her nose jutting out and dangerously close to his. “Don’t raise your voice at me.”

Ben inhaled audibly through his nose and pressed his lips together tightly. He exhaled and pushed the fury deep inside himself.

“Now who needs to be calm?” Her eyes glimmered and the corner of her mouth curved upward, causing an unprompted flicker in his stomach.

“Alright, you-”

The door opened and Finn rushed out quickly between them, followed by Han, Chewie, and their hostage. Rey bolted after them but Ben walked with an obvious frown. The team arrived at a trash compactor and Ben kept his back turned while they dumped the captain into a stinking pile of slop. She squealed and growled as the slop made its way into the jaws of the machine. Ben grimaced at their glee.

The group fled the base the way they came. With the shields down, the Resistance would be there in no time to destroy the very ground they ran on. Once outside, they watched X-Wings tear through the sky, pursued by hundreds of TIE Fighters. The Fighters outnumbered them and the Resistance was clearly losing. Ben felt a deep resentment. He was always losing somehow. Even when he thought he was close to winning, the opponent always gained the upper-hand. 

Han spoke, “They’re in trouble. We can’t leave.” He turned to the group with a smirk, “My friend here has a bag full of explosives. Let’s use ‘em.”


	10. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team splits up in one last effort to help the Resistance. However, once in the belly of the beast, someone will have to face their demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter gets dark.

Rey volunteered to open the hatch to the oscillator. Finn would lead her to the junction station to override the controls. Fortunately, they’d found an abandoned snowspeeder that would save Finn and Rey time in getting to their destination. Meanwhile, Han, Ben, and Chewie would clear the area and plant the explosives. The trio split the explosives evenly among themselves before sending the others off.

As Rey hopped on the snowspeeder, Ben held out his grandfather’s saber to her. She glared down at it. “I’m not going to touch that thing ever again.”

“You might need it.” Ben did his best to appeal to her. “If not this one, take mine.” He held up his own saber in his other hand.

“Hang on.” Finn piped up as he mounted the speeder behind Rey. “You have _two_ lightsabers?”

“One of them is supposed to be hers.” Ben glared at her as she adjusted a mirror on the speeder.

“Hell, I’ll take it for her.” Finn snatched the Skywalker saber from him and Ben pressed his lips together while inhaling through his nose. He looked down and relaxed. It was for the best, he supposed. Perhaps she’d take it from her friend.

Rey started up the vehicle and sped off, showering Ben in a torrent of snow. He growled and turned to face his father and Chewie. Han smirked while Chewie let out a gargling laugh. With a huff, Ben clipped his saber to his belt and ran to their destination.

The trio made their way through the oscillator structure, fighting anyone unfortunate enough to stumble into their path. The last door before the locked hatch opened to reveal three stormtroopers. Chewie easily knocked off the middle one with his bowcaster, while the remaining two opened fire. They ducked for cover and while the stormtroopers rained blasterfire on them. Han shot once, twice, three times, before his final two shots struck through.

Once safely in their position, they waited only moments when the door opened. The three stepped inside, and Chewie growled an approval of their distant hacker.

“Huh. Girl knows her stuff.” Han muttered as they hurried through the corridor. Their path came to an end on the maintenance catwalk of the oscillator. The three of them appraised the large open space. A feeling of dread began to settle in Ben but he did his best to mute it. “We’ll set the charges at every other column.”

Chewie groaned a suggestion to split the party. He was right. It would take precious minutes just to hide the charges. “You’re right.” Han whispered. “That’s a better idea. You take the top. We’ll go down below.” He pulled a small cylindrical item from his pouch and handed it to Chewie, “Detonator.” Chewie groaned and tucked it away on his belt. “We’ll meet back here.” They split up, placing charges as Han had instructed, on every other column. Once on the lower level, Ben and Han split up again to either side of the structure.

Each charge was a round object that magnetically clung to the durasteel columns. A simple push of a button was all it took to set it to ready. The button in the center lit the device a vibrant red as a short-lived, high-pitched sound indicated the device was charged. This, of course, meant they had to hide their charges, so as not to alert any possible passersby.

As he placed another charge, Ben’s ears popped. A chill formed at the nape of his neck and spread through him as the door above them opened. He looked up to see through the grated floor the thick boots of the Knights of Ren. They had a dozen stormtroopers with them and Ben searched for his father, but he was nowhere to be seen. He looked up again from his hiding place and saw the leader move forward toward the railing on her level.

“We know you’re here.” She said, her voice cold static through her mask. After a pause, he heard her say, “Find them.” They spread out, searching for the group. Two moved up the way Chewie went, but four moved down to join Ben & Han.

Ben searched again for his father before settling on a slender shape that jutted out from a column. The figure began to move but through the Force, Ben held it steady. A knight approached where the figure was hidden. In a moment, the knight moved on and Ben released him. The figure proved to be his father in the rickety gate he had as he slunk through the shadows to another column.

The coast was clear and with a few subtle gestures, Ben moved the charges through the air until they reached their appropriate positions. Then with a final flick, he attached the charges to the other supports and flicked them on. With their pieces in place, it was time to escape. He peaked around the edge of his hiding place to see their leader only steps away. He watched her for a moment. Her broad back faced him as she loomed at the edge. Her grip was tight around the railing as she searched for them. He remembered how jealous he was as a child when she would tower over him. She never teased him though, not like some of the other children. She would crouch down to face him eye to eye and inquire about his training. He had to remind himself that the girl was gone. She wasn’t his playmate anymore. She killed thousands of innocents. Darkness consumed her. But even so, he couldn’t move to strike.

Ben crept backwards and slunk into a power chamber in the wall. She seemed to sense him and turned to check where he’d stood only moments before. She growled and moved on. Once she was far enough away, he squeezed out and quietly hurried to escape. Across the way, he saw his father attaching the last of his charges. A few yards from him, a knight stalked to where he worked. Without thinking, Ben ran toward them. His loud footsteps distracted her and she quickly turned her attention as he raced across the structure. She drew her blaster and he nearly made it to the other side when a clear, bell-like voice rang through the structure, “Ben!”

He stopped at the edge of the bridge that crossed to the other end of the structure. He turned to face the source of the voice, a voice he’d long forgotten. In the center of the bridge, she held her helmet at her side and allowed him to see her visage. She stared at him, unarmed and without malice. On seeing his old friend again, he didn’t know what to do. His legs were frozen in place. As he felt the chill of the Dark Side closing in, he felt a gentle brush against his senses. He recognized Rey approaching. A hatch to the outside of the base revealed the last beams of the sun’s light. The rays washed her in a gentle, white glow. Her posture was relaxed and inviting. She looked like the girl he’d remembered. The familiarity of it all was what led him to go meet her.

“Min.” He said when they were only a foot apart.

“So you’ve decided to run toward us this time.” She said with a sad smile. There was no ice in her voice now. Only a deep loneliness that was too familiar to their kind. From the end of the bridge, the knights waited for them. Her brows twitched and her sadness turned into something else. Something almost akin to pity. “You’re weak and foolish, just like always.”

He searched her eyes, there was still a sliver of his friend. He pleaded, “It doesn’t have to be this way.”

She hesitated and looked past him. He almost followed her gaze but then she returned her attention to him. “You’re right.” Her eyes darkened even in the light of the fading sun. “It’s not too late.”

Ben looked between her and the other knights as they removed their helmets. He saw their faces for the first time in over a decade. The girls he’d known and with which he’d shared his adolescence, had grown into scarred, striking women.

“Come with us.” She pleaded. He searched his friend’s face. They were lonely, lost, and frightened. He recalled the days he’d looked that way to them. He was young and feared even the slightest of sounds. They’d protected him in their own ways. “We miss you.”

Their eyes were on him as he looked between them all. As he appraised their scars and heavy lids, he realized that these women were only shadows of the friends he knew. He could only see a speck of light within them. Even Min, whose pale skin glowed in the light of the dying star, was shrouded in shadow, hiding her last thread of humanity.

Her face hardened at his hesitance. “You still don’t trust us.” Her brows knit together and her chin jutted out in warning. “We were always there for you, Ben. We were the ones who stood by your side. Them?” She nodded to Finn and Rey above them. He didn’t dare look. “They’d leave you for dead and never turn back.”

A knot formed in his stomach as his mouth ran dry. She was right. They were willing to leave him before. They didn't want to stay. But they did out of obligation and some higher purpose. It had nothing to do with him. Nothing ever had to do with him. The Republic, the Resistance, the cause, his life revolved around these concepts that were bigger than him.

Finn saw him as a means to an end. A way to escape his oppressors. He valued nothing but self-preservation. Han, his own father, had left him alone to return to his true calling. Han saw nothing but his own failures in his son. Though he tried to hide it, Ben could see it clearly on his weathered face. Rey, a conflicted creature like himself, only viewed him as nuisance. She denied their paths were intertwined because she truly wanted nothing to do with _him_. His mother, whom he cherished and held above all else, always chose duty over family. It was her way. She knew nothing else.

“But us?” His eyes were wet when he met hers again. Her features softened and her leather-gloved hand pressed against his cheek. “We were your family.” His breath hitched in his throat as the memories of their times together at the temple flooded him. “Where was Solo when the monsters were under your bed?” He remembered how she sat and watched while the others told him stories of how they’d fight the beasts that threatened him. “Where was Organa when Snoke was spewing venom in your ear?” He remembered how she cradled and soothed him to sleep that first night after being separated from his family. The voice was its strongest then. “And Skywalker?” Her hand fell from his cheek as she said the name with disdain. “Where is he now while you stand on the edge?”

He’d done everything right by his master. He’d studied and meditated. He’d prayed and sought balance. He suppressed his fury and anger, resisted the darkness as he was taught. But what was it all for? They’d never find him. They’d never see each other again. In the end, Ben had denied himself for the benefit of others.

His flooded eyes finally relinquished tears. The wounds he’d covered years ago had never truly healed. Their bandaging gone, the raw, red tissue underneath oozed the infection freely. His breathing grew erratic as the conflict waged harder within him. He had to stifle it. It was too much. He wasn’t ready to face that pain. He bit the inside of his mouth but it opened the wound from their previous battle. The taste of iron flooded his senses and he looked away, swallowing the evidence of his weakness.

Min stepped closer and whispered, “There’s something in your past that is just on the edge of your memory.” He looked up at her again, searching her stare through the glassy film that spread across his eyes. How did she know?

She gave a small nod, reassuring him of her knowledge. “The scavenger.” Ben breathed in sharply through his nose and gripped the hilt of his saber. She made no move to her weapon and that stilled him. Her face darkened again as she whispered, “Every step you take toward it, it hides further in the shadows of your mind.”

She stepped closer, too close. Nervous energy shook between them. “Skywalker wiped the memory from you.” In one second, Ben stepped back angrily, withdrew his saber, and pointed it at her. She stared at him, unphased. She spoke over the hum of his weapon. “He knew it would tear you away from the light. You’ve seen only a glimpse.” Ben growled thinking back on the brief vision he’d shared with Rey. The girl pleading for him to _come back_. His angry sobs aboard the ship as it sped away from the poor child. “It’s time to step into the shadows, Ben. Snoke can show you everything that Jedi stole from you.”

Ben hesitated. He leveled his saber in an attempt to steel his resolve. “You’re lying.” His voice trembled. Even he didn’t believe himself. Was it possible? After everything he’d sacrificed for his master, would he do such a thing? Years of fighting the darkness, denying his instincts and his emotions, was it to conceal him from the truth? He grit his teeth.

It was Min who shed the last tear. Her brows curved up in a desperate plea. “You know it’s true.” She extended a hand and with the last trace of light he saw the hilt of a saber. The one he’d helped a student build. The one she bled after the slaughter of its owner. Luke wanted nothing but to prevent the rise of another Vader. He feared Ben, he feared them all.

The light finally died. He gripped tighter to his weapon, searched the eyes of his old friend. His friend that held on for him. His friend that had waited for him, hoping beyond all hope that he would see her and understand. He understood now. He knew what he had to do. He lowered his saber and gripped the hilt of hers, flicking it on and bathing in the crimson glow of his destiny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for anyone who believed that this fic would be all sunshine and rainbows and Ben never turning to the Dark Side.  
> I feel like I maybe led people on to believe that this would all be ok in the end? The Dark Side aspect of his character arc is just too intriguing to pass up.  
> But trust me, I'm team Ben Solo all the way.


	11. Something Lost, Something Gained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's made his choice. And now, he must reap his rewards. As Ben hurdles further into the darkness, he finds his prize is not easily won.

With a dark grin, Min put on her helmet and drew her other saber. The other knights followed suit and Min monotoned over the com, “Kill the rest.”

The hall erupted in blasterfire and the knights lurched into action. Min rushed past Ben and followed her team. He turned to follow her but something hit him in the side, dropping him to his knees. The burning bloomed and he inhaled before looking up. Rey and Finn fled through the way they’d come. He searched where his father had hidden and didn’t see him. With a sharp breath, he heaved himself up. He cried out in pain but it somehow strengthened him. The stormtroopers fled in search of the Resistance fighters. He limped only a few steps forward before forcing himself to run upright to the edge of the bridge. 

The Knights of Ren regrouped around Ben. One knight spoke, “There’s no time to capture them. They’ll die here anyway.”

“No,” Another knight replied, “they have Han Solo. They’ll get away unless we kill them.”

Ben flicked off his new saber and crumpled to the floor. He clutched his wound, attempting to hold himself together at the opened seam, and huffed out, “Take me to Snoke.”

Min chided him coolly, “You’re in no position to be giving orders, Solo.”

Ben growled and reached for his grandfather’s saber to find it missing. “No.”

Rage engulfed him as he remembered letting Finn take his birthright. He was foolish enough to try and force it on Rey. A no one who didn’t even understand what that weapon meant. He ground his teeth at the memory of that idiot handling his prize. The fury was enough to fuel him onward, following the trace of Rey’s energy.

“Where are you going?” He faintly heard at the edge of his senses.

“To collect what’s his.” Min replied. 

He didn’t care if they joined him or not. With the pain searing at his side, all he could think of was his target. And before he even realized it, he was on them.

“Ben!” Rey shouted on seeing him.

“How did you get away?” Finn asked, completely oblivious to Ben’s shift.

Ben took a moment to breathe.

“We thought you were dead! Let’s go! Han and Chewie are getting the—” 

“Finn!” Rey interrupted. Ben became aware of his companions behind him. He didn’t face them but instead kept his attention on his enemies. Rey’s gaze shifted into a glare. Finn moved to leave but with an extension of his hand, Ben held him in place.

“We’re not done yet.” Ben taunted.

“You’re a monster!” Rey spat. “We trusted you.” Rey moved forward with the blaster aimed at him. He raised his other hand to stop her and they struggled for dominance. The fire in his stomach bolstered him and a familiar voice whispered his in his ear,  _ She’ll be more willing once she’s remembered. For now, silence her. _ In seconds, he released Finn, flung Rey’s blaster from her and with a ruthless swing of his arm, used all of his strength shove Rey back. It was stronger than he’d meant it and she crashed into a tree thirty feet away. She dropped hard in the snow and didn’t move.

“Rey!” Finn screamed and ran to her. Ben used that moment to regain himself. His power in the Force had winded him. Something stabbed in his side and only elicited more silent curses and a deeper grimace. He checked, nothing was there, but something was prodding his wound. It was fueling his pain and anger. Finn rose and turned to face Ben again. Through his own resentment, he saw Finn lock his jaw before he released a bellow, “Traitor!”

“You’re one to talk.” Min said as Ben shucked off his robe and flicked on his new saber. He focused only on the weapon clipped to Finn’s belt. Finn took notice and in steady, trained movements, removed it from his side. With a sense of purpose, he stood in a fighting stance and ignited it.

“That lightsaber.” Ben leveled his weapon at Finn, “It belongs to me.”

Finn gripped harder and resolved, “Come get it.” With an enraged scream, Finn rushed at Ben. immediately, Ben blocked the first attack and rounded his foe to move into the offensive. But Finn was relentless, he swung with abandon in intent to kill. Ben blocked each blow before he got the upper hand and sliced once, throwing his foe off-balance. He took the opportunity and kicked him back into the snow.

With Finn on his back, Ben centered himself. Pain flooded his senses through the wound in his side.  _ Good. Use that pain to fuel your anger. Your anger will give you the strength to kill him and reclaim your prize. _ He didn’t suppress the pain as his training had prompted him. Instead, he beat a fist into his abdomen, which propelled him further into the Dark Side. The pain focused him, set him to his task.

Finn hopped up again to attack and Ben dodged his reckless swings. With his newfound purpose, he stepped aside easily, letting his opponent tire himself. Ben twirled the vibrant red lightsaber around his fist. He was always proud of his dexterous tricks.  _ Too proud _ , Luke had admonished.  _ Show him your skill _ , Snoke now encouraged.

Then, he began an onslaught. Years of training in defense while practicing offense in secret with his friends, led him to this point.  _ An expert with a blade. They’ve underestimated you for too long. _ Ben gave Finn credit, he was more skilled than he’d expected. He blocked each blow with the stance of a man raised to fight.

He pushed the traitor further and further back. Wills clashed in this battle as their sabers met and sparks danced off their conjunction. Ben felt Finn using all his strength to keep him at bay. He saw his terror and something flickered within him.

_ Fear leads to anger. _ Finn growled and swept in one quick motion, ducking away from Ben before rounding again and swiped his blade across Ben’s arm.

It seemed like he was always being hurt by people he’d allowed into his life. His family, his playmates, these new strangers. Anyone he shared a sliver of his soul with was bound to hurt him somehow. And he was raised to take it. He was raised to do nothing about the pain inflicted on him. He was told to never give in to his anger or his fear. But he wouldn’t be that pathetic child any longer. He would have the worlds beg him for mercy as he slaughtered everything in sight. The whole galaxy would know his power. His laws had betrayed him his entire life, so it was about time he betrayed them.

Finn charged him again but with a renewed fury, Ben spun around to face his attacker. He swung up with his lightsaber and knocked Finn’s weapon away. As the momentum carried the thief toward him, Ben met his unguarded face with a closed fist. The force of his blow knocked his enemy around and with one final strike, Ben sliced up his back. Finn fell face first into the snow, defeated.

Without a second to lose, he turned off the red saber and clipped it to his belt. His breathing was heavy as he reached out a hand to the lightsaber. He felt the crystal within calling to him but it did not heed him. He attempted to calm himself and reached out again to call the saber to him. It shook but it did not answer him. He grit his teeth and with one more aggressive reach, summoned the saber. It worked too well and he was forced to duck when it aimed to collide with his face.

He turned to follow it but then saw Rey now standing yards away. She stared in awe at the saber in her hand, marveling at her own ability. She adjusted into a fighting stance and held it in both hands before she ignited it. He should have been angry, furious! But the sight of her, the creases in her brow as she watched him, like an animal ready to attack, he could only wonder. He ignited the red saber with a flourish and immediately had to block as she rushed him.

She attacked much like Finn, relentless and strong. But unlike Finn, she had a knack for the ruthless and was tactless in her barrage. He was amazed at her innate skill. If a swing missed him, it struck through a tree, sending it careening to the forest floor. There was no finesse in her attacks, no training in her stance, but a hard-earned self-taught method that gave her an edge. An edge that surprised him. She was stronger than him and he did everything he could to protect himself.  _ Imagine, the heir to Darth Vader, bested by a scavenger! _

He pressed on, maintaining his offense best he could. But she took every chance she had to send him into a defensive spiral. She dashed away from him, climbing up and away and he pursued. He’d not let her gain the higher ground. As they dueled, the ground below them trembled. The planet was breaking apart. He noticed her stamina began to wane. She was fleeing to regain energy. He wouldn’t give her the chance. He continued his onslaught until he finally saw a colossal chunk of the earth collapse behind her. She held up the saber in defense of his final strike and he pushed her toward the edge.

He saw her fear, it mirrored his own that he’d evolved into fury. He glared but something in her called to him, told him that she needed him. Their destinies were entwined somehow. There was a reason the Force connected them. There was something they shared. He needed her to understand. She was no ordinary girl. She had raw, untapped potential. “You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force!”

With their sabers casting a purple glow across her face, she whispered, “The Force?” She closed her eyes in meditation. He felt the familiar caress on his energy. Now, it felt like small hands, pressing against his heart. The sensation was familiar and for a moment, he almost gave in to his compassion. The Force moved through her and dumbfounded him. This woman is more than he’d ever anticipated. She was strong, intense, and impossibly beautiful. He pushed back against the sensation,  _ A foolish sentiment, it will be your undoing.  _ She opened her eyes and there was nothing but the unending depth of the universe.

With bared teeth, she pushed forward, ducking away from him. He spun quickly to swing at his foe, but it was her who began an endless round of attacks. Each blow sent him further and further from the cliff and had him expending his energy to keep her at bay. With one wicked swing, she sliced across his leg. The blow had him kneeling before her in the snow. Rey made no further attempt to attack him. She was giving him a choice, stand down or perish. He would rather die than face the shame of giving up in the midst of battle. He felt the Knights of Ren not far behind him, making sure that he was devoted to this new path. 

He roared and, rising, swung recklessly at her. She dodged it easily and warned him again with a stab to the shoulder. He stumbled backwards but did not fall. As she approached, he attempted to prepare himself but his energy was expended. The pain was becoming unbearable. Everything around him, inside him, throughout him was burning. She began a downward strike and he helplessly blocked it. Unfortunately, he hadn’t predicted her foot colliding with his unguarded torso. The force of her kick landed him on his back. She circled him and he suddenly realized the true depth of fear. He felt the darkness shift, seeking her, calling her, inviting her to give in to her anger and betrayal.

He turned over on his hands and knees.  _ Use your power, you spineless child! _ The Force pounded through him, raging, searching for ventilation. It was too much. Sweat streamed down his brow and mingled with the snow beneath him. With a deep breath, and an intense, blinding wrath, he rose to strike her. She glanced his blade and gripped his hand. He attempted to wrangle her saber from her other hand but they were evenly matched. She pressed his red saber into the snow and he gave everything he could to regain control. He growled and screamed in time with her own strained cries.

He couldn’t fight back. She was too strong in the Force. And he was  _ weak and foolish _ .  _ A Skywalker by association alone. Alone in the universe.  _ She took her chance and swung down with her saber, disengaging his weapon. Following through on her momentum, she sliced her blade up along his chest and across his face.

The pain scorched to his very soul and he cried out as he toppled into the snow. He tried to reach for his saber but the pain was too much for him. He watched the anger fuel her, tempting her to end their fight. He had to stop her. He couldn’t let her beat him. He was a the heir of legends, it was his duty to be a leader in the Force. Her weapon was  _ his. _ The earth trembled beneath them and he could no longer take the pain. Darkness clouded his vision and he lost his will to fight it.

* * *

Rey held the hand of her new friend in the back of the  _ Millennium Falcon _ . She searched for any sign that he might wake, that he might be safe. She let the tears flow freely as she let the gravity of her journey settle on her. Words failed her and she had nothing left in her save for fear, anger, and loneliness.

“Here.” A gruff voice soothed behind her. She turned to see Han Solo extending a kerchief to her. She sniffled and took it. He sat beside her and tentatively put a hand on her back. “It’s gonna be ok.”

“How?” She cried, “How could you say that? Finn is dying, we have no way to Luke Skywalker, and Ben, your  _ son _ , betrayed us.”

Han sighed, “Well, when you put it that way, it’s pretty grim.”

“Why would he do this? Why would he try to kill us? I thought we were-” She stopped herself. She didn’t want to admit to something that couldn’t have ever been true. If he’d truly cared about them, Ben wouldn’t have turned against them. He was a traitor. A coward. A monster.

“It’s in his blood. The Dark Side, Vader, it was too much for him to resist.”

Rey grit her teeth and her lips trembled, “Why now? Why would he turn now?”

Han put a hand on her shoulder, “Hey. Don’t think like that. This has nothing to do with you.”

Rey looked in Han’s eyes and the glossy film spilled over in fresh tears. “No. It does. I know it does.”

Han didn’t reply, just gripped harder to her shoulder once and released. He rose and retreated back to the cockpit, leaving Rey dazed and searching for her own meaning.

She knew from the moment they’d met that there was something about Ben. She couldn’t place it, but something about him spoke to her without words. When he finally showed his face to her, she was struck by something she couldn’t name. Whenever he used the Force, or when she used her newfound abilities with him, something beat steadily, perfectly around them.

She covered her eyes with the kerchief as more tears flooded her cheeks. She cried freely in the open room and allowed herself to feel the spectrum of pain she’d endured.

* * *

She exited the  _ Millennium Falcon _ behind the medics that rushed Finn off and away to the medical center. Her tears renewed at seeing Han Solo embrace his wife in the middle of the airstrip. Her feet carried her as her mind meandered through a haze. What was she to do now? Where could she go?

Arms wrapped around her and she felt the warm embrace of General Organa as they grieved together. She hid her face from the galaxy in the crook of this woman’s neck. Organa shielded her and provided reprieve, smoothing and kissing her hair. Rey dug her fingers into the general’s vest and begged her to keep her standing. Then she felt hot tears on the side of her face. She separated to see the glassy tears of a mother who’d lost her child.

Rey had witnessed many mothers lose their children on Jakku. She saw many children lose their mothers. She understood that pain more clearly. 

She held Organa’s arms and moved to look at her face. A lifetime of pain and misfortune had crafted the woman before her. Even in the darkest hours, Leia Organa held out hope for the galaxy. She held onto every speck and glimmer of light that existed amongst the stars. She led them to flourish and succeed, but at a powerful cost. The sorrow in Organa’s eyes made Rey weep for her.

Organa held Rey’s face in her hands, “We'll bring him home.”

Rey looked at her confused. Then smiled. They would bring back the last Jedi.

She held onto that hope. As Finn recuperated. As the map to Luke Skywalker revealed itself. As she was instructed to retrieve him. She knew it was her mission to return hope to the galaxy. It was her duty to return Luke Skywalker to the worlds. If no one else would salvage this mess, then it would have to be her. If no one else would help her learn her power, she would have him teach her. If no one else had the stomach to kill Ben Solo after his treachery, she would rip him to pieces.

She was resolved on the cliffs of Ahch-To. As she extended the legacy lightsaber to its master, she pleaded to the cosmos that he would understand and return. When he faced her and lowered his hood, he was older and grayer than she’d imagined. He watched her, eyes piercing and blue, as she remained steadfast. She would give him his weapon. He would return with her and together, they would return peace and unity to the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for joining me on this adventure. I'm so fortunate and honored to have you all leave such wonderful comments and encouragement. I can't thank you enough.  
> It'll be a while before I post again, but I want to remind you that this is NOT THE END! There is much to their story still to come, and I'll see to it that everyone gets the happy ending they deserve.


End file.
